BEGOTTEN: A DISTURBING ONLINE MUSIC MYSTERY PART III

Before we go forward today, make sure you’ve already checked out Part 1 and Part 2 of this story so you’re all caught up. With that being said, let’s begin the end, a conclusion to all the madness.

In 2017, a series of limited conversations between an unknown music producer and a record label owner would lead to the upload of six disturbing albums, each including their own unique set of tragic poems, blocks of confusing Chinese texts, mysterious music videos and paragraphs that recite the label owners experience with this unknown music producer, a producer with a worrisome story that seemed to get all the more real as time went by.

This notorious producer is known as b e g o t t e n 自杀, and as we’ve learned in Part 1 and Part 2, the first four releases from b e g o t t e n 自杀, and the mysterious events between them and the label owner who gave their releases a home, Dennis of Geometric Lullaby, are...pretty interesting…to put it lightly.

In a span of seven months, Dennis released the first four albums b e g o t t e n 自杀 sent to him on Geometric Lullaby. With each upload onto Bandcamp, Dennis would go into detail about his experiences and communications between himself and the unidentifiable producer at that time. I expect you’ve already checked out the first two parts of this series, so I don’t find it necessary to go over everything again, plus I know you want to get right to the big question: who is b e g o t t e n 自杀?

I’ve been along this journey with you as well as I’ve made sure to keep myself from reading the full story until I fully finished creating Parts 1 through 3. I thought doing so would be more of a genuine way to go about documenting the story of b e g o t t e n 自杀 over time, plus it would be more fun for me as well. It’s been giving me something to look forward to with each installment, so trust me...I am so beyond excited to finally crack this case and hopefully get to the bottom of it all as well.

The b e g o t t e n 自杀 Halloween Mixtape [October 14th, 2019 / GEO - SP10]

So before we get into the 5th and 6th albums, the two final releases from the b e g o t t e n 自杀 series and what ended up happening in the saga of events between b e g o t t e n 自杀 and Dennis, I think it would be really fun to talk about this thing: the b e g o t t e n 自杀 - (Halloween Mixtape)

Not only would it be fun to talk about, but it’s also pretty important. b e g o t t e n 自杀 , and the story of b e g o t t e n 自杀 , has become sort of legend in the Vaporwave scene...there is no doubt about that. With all of the mysterious uploads Bandcamp has for us waiting to discover, the b e g o t t e n 自杀 releases are easily some of the most interesting and darkest material to dive into and the b e g o t t e n 自杀 - (Halloween Mixtape) showcases the fascination not only from the fans, but from fellow artists and producers as well.

This thing is massive...20 tracks from some serious heavy hitters: Hantasi, 猫 シ Corp., MindSpring Memories, desert sand feels warm at night, just to name a small handful. And some of these tracks are hella long, MindSpring Memories remix of (invisible) - 无形 clocking in at over 10 minutes and 異星人’s remix of (love) - 真愛 hits the 12 minute mark.

What also makes this mixtape so much fun and such an incredible service to b e g o t t e n 自杀 is that each artist brings their own flair and signature sound to the table, but at the same time they still pay respects to that b e g o t t e n 自杀 mood. Signalwave legend S p o r t 3 0 0 0 and his jolting take on (longing) - 渴望 brings in an element of experimental and space-exploration-esque synth work, all while still laying it on top of that classic, ominous b e g o t t e n 自杀 drone. We even have the thunder from down under, A Future Funk titan: TUPPERWAVE is even on this thing, giving (aquamarine) - 蓝晶 a sort  lo-fi hip hop treatment. He keeps the entire track feeling like it’s submerged in this sink full of ice cold water, a well done little tune and gives a great take on the  b e g o t t e n 自杀 sound in just over a minutes worth of your time. And w i n t e r q u i l t 愛が止ま’s remix of (ghost) - 鬼白 ?! I ain’t even gonna say anything…I’ll just let you listen to that one for yourself.

Dennis also got in on the fun as well, providing mastering for a handful of the tracks on here. The mixtape dropped seven months after the final release in the b e g o t t e n 自杀 series (new aura) - 新时代 (which we will obviously get to in just a bit, get ya seatbelts on!) and this mixtape was the perfect treat for the Halloween season in October of 2019. The album dropped alongside that mouthwatering Ghoul and Ghost box set, a limited collector's edition release dropped by Geometric Lullaby that contains every b e g o t t e n 自杀 album, including the Halloween mixtape, and was such a delightful way to pay homage to the entirety of the b e g o t t e n 自杀 story.

But now, it’s finally time to return back to where we left off. Let’s rewind it back a year earlier: October of 2018. b e g o t t e n 自杀’s 4th album, (happy anniversary) - 周年快乐, had just made its way onto the Geometric Lullaby catalogue, and around this time, the relationship between b e g o t t e n 自杀 and Dennis almost seemed sort of finalized… but was it really though?

Before that 4th release, just to quickly recap, Dennis had finally received an email from b e g o t t e n 自杀 after such a long time of hearing nothing back from them at all. Dennis wondered if they were seeing the albums on Geometric Lullaby, the reception and how the albums quickly formed a cult following. Dennis had no feedback from b e g o t t e n 自杀, which was unfortunate to him because all he wanted to know was what they thought of the releases.

The email Dennis received at the time of the 4th upload was short and simple:

"Thank you. I am still alive. I am okay for now."

Short, simple, sweet, and just enough to crack a smile on Dennis’ face. Despite its seemingly conclusive nature, Dennis wanted to take a couple of weeks to figure out how he wanted to respond and how he wanted to say it. He promised those who visited the Bandcamp page for (happy anniversary) - 周年快乐 that he would keep them updated on the situation.

b e g o t t e n 自杀’s 5th album: (forgive and forget) - 原谅和忘记 [December 24th, 2018 / GEO - 025]

Forgive and forget stands out to me for many reasons. I would say that this is the most melodic and romantic sounding of the begotten series. It uses mostly a different language so the words themselves are impossible for me to understand, but the sound of the music does all of the work with this one. Somehow, Begotten still manages that eerie feeling, a pit in your stomach, just a seed of something...off as you listen to this record. 

Dennis of Geometric Lullaby

After b e g o t t e n 自杀 had thanked Dennis in his quick email, Dennis was very grateful to at least hear anything at all. After a couple of weeks, Dennis emailed b e g o t t e n 自杀 back and thanked them for the submission and their music. He explained that people were enjoying the releases and that they, b e g o t t e n 自杀, should be proud.

The email back would spring up a conversation. While Dennis was not given any details about this person's whereabouts or who they actually were, they began describing to him the intense mental illness that they lived with. Dennis notes on his Bandcamp that he actually holds a degree in psychology, so he understood plenty of what they explained.

But something (like most things involving this artist) seemed odd. As Dennis would receive more emails, he was starting to get a feeling that he was not actually speaking with b e g o t t e n 自杀 directly. It seemed as if he was messaging someone who spoke for them. A caretaker perhaps? They spoke as though they'd studied the human psyche in depth and really knew the deepest feelings of b e g o t t e n 自杀…but it just wasn't them.

All of this was happening after the 4th release obviously and before the 5th release was put out on Geometric Lullaby. Dennis was in Europe at the time with his band on tour through Germany, admitting he was a bit distracted at the time due to the shows. A bit of time would pass without Dennis answering b e g o t t e n 自杀 (due to lack of WIFI and general busy-ness) and when he figured out how he would ask if it was someone speaking on b e g o t t e n 自杀’s behalf... 

He received one of the most disturbing emails yet.

For the sake of discretion, I am leaving it up to you if you would like to see the text of that email. On the Bandcamp page for (forgive and forget) - 原谅和忘记, that email is there, just be advised it is pretty morbid.

Along with this email, however, there was also an attachment labeled "me"

It was a video.

Dennis has yet to figure out what the video means, who it is, or what is going on in it. He uploaded the video to YouTube as an unlisted link through his Bandcamp page. If you click the link there, you will be able to check it out.

Dennis wasn’t sure if what was attached was some staged, fake video. Was it taken from a movie or tv show or even another YouTube video? He asks that if anyone recognizes it, let him know. The sound is unrecognizable, as is the individual in the video.

With this latest, intense email from b e g o t t e n 自杀, Dennis was once again going to take some time to figure out his next move. As time had past since (happy anniversary) - 周年快乐, Dennis thought now would be a good time to release the next album in the lineup given to him from the original b e g o t t e n 自杀 email as he once again found himself in a situation of email chess.

Released on Christmas Eve, (forgive and forget) - 原谅和忘记 would be Geometric Lullaby’s last gift for 2018. The release would contain nine tracks that all begin with “un” (except the bonus track).

1. (unprepared) - 措手不及

2. (unraveling) - 解开

3. (understanding) - 理解

4. (unfortunate) - 不幸的 

5. (unending) - 无止境

6. (unconditional) - 无条件的

7. (undeserving) - 不值得

8. (unless...) - 除非…

9. (bonus track) - 同情

This is one of my favorite b e g o t t e n 自杀 releases, an extremely emotional blend of wonderful vocal sample selections melted with a heavy pouring of warm production on top. That smoky b e g o t t e n 自杀 texture is at an all time high on here, the reverb and fogginess that lays over track 3, (understanding) - 理解, is like hot fudge melting through sweet vanilla ice cream. Track number seven, (undeserving) - 不值得, features the pendulum of a beautifully tragic crying vocal loop on one side with a lonely and distant horn sample on the other. And in the middle? An ice cold blast of trap percussion, that heavy hitting hi hat frenzy is a brilliant surprise and provides some stellar contrast to the lost mood in the majority of the track.

I think “lost” is a good word to describe this album, it feels as if you’re in a virtual world of wireframe-filled hallways. Everything is black besides the thin purple lines that make up all of the wireframes. Track number five is a great example of this, (unending) - 无止境, that constant echo effect used on the claps and other instrumentals really feel as if this thing is large and, like the name of the track, never ending. 

Unlike most releases that b e g o t t e n 自杀 sent over in that original email, (forgive and forget) - 原谅和忘记 would only feature one music video instead of the usual two. This music video came with track six, (unconditional) - 无条件的. And, who would’ve guessed it, more skeletons. This time though, maybe the cruddiest quality footage yet, the barely visible and barely working video is more like a collection of photos instead of a smooth flowing video. We’re simply given a skeleton dancing around, breaking down and building itself back up, all before breaking down one last time before the video ends.

Here was the poem given with this release:

Can I recognize feelings?

Can I sense that they're there?

Has all gone to numbness?

In place of despair?

 

I can ask for forgiveness

But I know it will never come

I can wait until you forget

But there's no ridding of what's been done

A quote was also given along with the poem that read:

Tell me why...

As with all of the other albums, a series of Chinese text was also sent along with (forgive and forget) - 原谅和忘记.

The album’s sound is in pretty heavy contrast compared to the vibes of the track list, poems, Chinese texts, and messages at the time from b e g o t t e n 自杀 (or as Dennis believed, a person talking on their behalf). I kind of see the whole thing as putting on a face, while on the inside you can feel completely different. It’s something we’ve seen come up time and time again with cases of severe mental illness, a person seeming happy and friendly on the outside while something is eating away at them on the inside.

The album hides away it’s thoughts and feelings through sound. The music given to us from b e g o t t e n 自杀 is a mask.

b e g o t t e n 自杀’s final album: (new aura) - 新时代 [March 25th, 2019 / GEO - 030]

A void is all that's left

No sanity to be found

I've lost my mind in the process

I can't distinguish any sounds

 

When there's nothing to live for

And you truly are at your last

You hate yourself thoroughly

Solely dwell on the past

 

A new you starts emerging

Something different, something clean

Something desperate for anything

Other than a dream

 

But dreams are what I have

They beckon me with demand

Let's hope my dreams never come true

For if they do, you'll know exactly who I am."

This was the last and final poem sent to Dennis from b e g o t t e n 自杀, this of course coming along with the 6th album: (new aura) - 新时代.

I knew this time would come. I had been waiting for it ever since releasing the very first begotten cassette, and I must say, it is bittersweet. I am honored be have been chosen by this artist to present their work to the world. I am glad that so many have listened and enjoyed what they've created. While I know it is not for everyone, I personally find each album as something special. But you probably already know that by now.

Dennis of Geometric Lullaby

(new aura) - 新时代 may be the most experimental release of the saga, and it seems fitting as this chaotic journey only seemed to get more and more bizarre along the way. It’s as if the mask from the fifth album was ripped off and b e g o t t e n 自杀’s thoughts, feelings and emotions scattered into a thousand different directions, with no destination in sight.

The album pushes far the abstract and spacious sounds of darkness. (new aura) - 新时代 plays with texture even more than the others, tracks like (distill) - 蒸馏 are straight up broken. Take the echo effects of the track we mentioned in the previous album, (unending) - 无止境, and turn it up to a hundred. Everything is crumbling...instrumentals stepping on top of one another...a stampede of muddy sounds. However, towards the end, the only thing we are left with that is tangible is that eerie, unsettling howling that’s laid over the congested mess of sounds. We see the same thing with track number ten, (connectivity) - 连接, which all feels like a Missingno. Version of a Mallsoft track, but once again that horrifying vocal comes back in to remind us of b e g o t t e n 自杀’s world.

It’s kind of like the same thing that happened in The Caretaker’s Everywhere at the End of Time, the final album in that series being the most broken and decayed release yet. Also, both projects have six releases in them…Kind of interesting to note.

To Dennis, (new aura) - 新时代 gives him feelings of other-worldliness, caverns, alien-like vibes, and pure insanity. The album feels like an emotion we can’t fathom, only something that the set, specific person it’s coming from, would understand.

The album is one of the longer releases in the b e g o t t e n 自杀 catalogue, 14 tracks which clock in at just under a half an hour.

Here was the Chinese text that was provided by b e g o t t e n 自杀 for this release:

“如果没有不死技术，我将在未来35年内死亡，”他感叹。死亡是不可避免的 - 目前至少是因为随着年龄的增长，构成我们身体的细胞失去了自我修复的能力，使我们容易受到心血管疾病和其他与年龄相关的大约三分之二的病症的伤害。

“我的计划的最终目标是将某人的个性转变成一个全新的机构，”

“那么那么你可以说这样的人是有远见的，但不是生气，因为这意味着你想到的东西是不可能的，事实并非如此."

When translated, we find a detailed discussion on death, which leads into human transformation. It is also a bit confusing towards the end, which I’m sure is just Google Translate being Google Translate.

This time however, no music videos were given at all. When I saw that there was none for the first time, I was a bit surprised. With a handful of videos in previous album releases, I was pretty sure there would be at least one that may answer some questions or give some closure to everything we’ve been through with b e g o t t e n 自杀. But nope, just 14 tracks.

I think this was a good move though and kind of wraps up with the ending of the whole Dennis / b e g o t t e n 自杀 saga quite well…

Upon the release of (new aura) - 新时代, Dennis was saddened that this would be the final piece. He knew not whether the world would ever see another album from begotten, but he did not want to dwell on it being over. Dennis would’ve rather dwelled on the emotion and satisfaction that this music would provide.

If you remember when Dennis released the 4th album, he stated that he had actually received another email from b e g o t t e n 自杀 thanking him for doing their releases. At the time, he couldn't think of what he wanted to say in return, and Dennis admits on the Bandcamp page for (new aura) - 新时代 that he kind of just rushed a reply in the end asking who they were and some other personal questions. It wasn't until several weeks later after all of the emails that he received an answer to his questions. It read:

"Do you really want to know who I am?"

At first, Dennis was a little mad at this response:

Why would I ask if I wasn't sure that I wanted to know who they were? But when I opened a reply email and began to type, I stopped myself. Did I really want to know? Would I be able to appreciate the music all the same if I knew the name of the person behind it all? Would it change anything?

Dennis of Geometric Lullaby

Dennis would take a few days to consider this, he knew he did not want to rush it. Whoever b e g o t t e n 自杀 was, they had trusted him with their expression. They had trusted him with their art. Dennis recalls saying:

Would it be disrespectful to say that, yes, in fact, I really wanted to know who they were? These things weighed heavily on my mind and I started to feel anxious about the entire situation. I stopped eating. I started sleeping longer each day and I began to have vivid dreams. It was impossible to tell how connected (or not) that all of this was to b e g o t t e n 自杀.

Dennis of Geometric Lullaby

In the end, after countless hours of balancing options in his head like placing coins on the plates of a scale, Dennis had finally come to a decision. He opened up an email with confidence and hit reply. In the body of the email, he simply wrote:

"You are begotten and that is all that matters to me. Thank you for trusting me."

He hit send and smiled. He then played the entire discography from beginning to end, closing his eyes and allowing it all to take him away.

Dennis no longer checked his email, constantly refreshing in hopes of a message. He had finally found the closure he had been looking for. It was never about the person behind the music, but the feeling, emotion, and atmosphere. It was about the realms to which it brought him, allowing Dennis to escape his own life, if even for a moment. he could finally fully enjoy what he had been given.

Dennis was finally at peace.

The tale of b e g o t t e n 自杀, and Dennis’ experience with the producer, is a tale we all go through in this day and age with music. I know for myself and many others who are heavily involved in the Vaporwave scene and community, there is a lot of music we love and adore from people we simply do not know. As our scene in particular has gotten closer in these past couple of years, with live shows and online shows and what not, there was a time when everything was a bit more unknown. Artists’ and aliases being able to paint even more vivid imaginations in your head of who they were and what they were all about. It’s easy to fall in love with narratives given with albums, artwork that helps you get to that set place and time the album seems like it would be in. But beyond the stories, beyond the settings, the most important thing will always be the music, the sounds, which can always be experienced bare of any context.

Nothing crazy happened in the end between Dennis and b e g o t t e n 自杀, Dennis was given this package of digital albums and just did what he thought was best with them. He never was able to find out if everything was a hoax or if this person was who they seemed to be. And in the end, he had the option to potentially figure it all out, but to Dennis, the music just seemed to be more important. Plain and simple.

Today, b e g o t t e n 自杀 is still listened to by many throughout the internet, some claiming the mysterious producer to be their favorite Vaporwave artist of all time.

But, what about our question: is b e g o t t e n 自杀 real? Fake? Is Dennis b e g o t t e n 自杀?

You know what, I’ll let you do your own digging on that one. Sometimes a mystery is best kept a mystery, but as always, it’s always up to you, my friend.

Although I really do wonder…who was in that car in the graveyard?

If you haven’t listened to the b e g o t t e n 自杀 releases yet, I highly recommend doing so, the music is so rich with or without the pairing of the b e g o t t e n 自杀 story. Thank you for joining me on this wild ride, and until next time…

Much love,

ur boi,

Pad Chennington

Also known as "Youtube's Vaporwave Valedictorian", Pad Chennington is a content creator who has created a substantial following on YouTube for his videos discussing all things Vaporwave. Starting in the Fall of 2017, Pad's videos range from reviews to breakdowns, interviews to unboxings, and much more, always revolving around odd and interesting music genres found throughout the internet. Pad has also recently released an album in February titled "CONTRAST", available as a free download via the My Pet Flamingo label.

BEGOTTEN:
A Disturbing Online Music Mystery Part II

If you haven’t checked out Part I of this story yet, please make sure you do so before reading this article. For those who are ready to continue, sit tight and get cozy because this is where the story of b e g o t t e n 自杀 really begins to fall off the rails.

In 2017, a series of limited conversations between an unknown music producer and a record label owner would lead to the upload of six disturbing albums, each including their own unique set of tragic poems, blocks of confusing Chinese texts, mysterious music videos and paragraphs that recite the label owner's experience with this unknown music producer, a producer with a worrisome story that seemed to get all the more real as time went by.

The producer in question here is known as b e g o t t e n 自杀, and as you’ve learned in my previous video, their infamous musical work and strange relationship with the label owner of Geometric Lullaby, Dennis, has piqued the minds of thousands to this very day. From the moment b e g o t t e n 自杀’s work went live on Geometric Lullaby’s page, it was easy to see how this artist was going to strike a chord in music goers who crave the stranger side of things. A cryptic story? Check. An unknown origin and inconceivable reasoning behind it all? Check. Good music? Check as well.

b e g o t t e n 自杀’s entire vibe, this blend of uncanniness, romance, horror, and undeniable tragedy all tied in a pretty bow with this low-res and distorted aesthetic is the perfect dose for the dark side of the music world.

In Part I of this series, we dove into b e g o t t e n 自杀’s first two albums and the events that happened between the strange producer and Dennis. To save time, I’m going to assume you’ve already checked out Part I. With that being said, I just want to get right into it all today. There is a lot to unpack with the story of b e g o t t e n 自杀, so I want to waste no time jumping right back into the deep end.

I hope you're ready, because there’s no going back now. Cheers.

b e g o t t e n 自杀’s third album: (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗篇

[July 23rd, 2018 / GEO - 015]

On the 23rd of July, 2018, Geometric Lullaby would unleash b e g o t t e n 自杀’s third album on the label, (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗篇. Considered by many to be the darkest and lowest point of b e g o t t e n 自杀’s career, (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗篇 spends a majority of its time intoxicating you with these hazy vocals and washy synths, a sound replicating the viscosity of syrup or honey as they slowly pour into your ears like a heavy fog, gradually filling up the space inside your head. (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗篇 is a hypnotizing pendulum, laughing gas for your ears as they become nothing but vulnerable entrances to b e g o t t e n 自杀’s dastardly deeds. If b e g o t t e n 自杀’s previous album (hushwave) - 治愈它 was the light and airy side of the producer, then (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗篇 breaks up the crowd as a heavy, slow moving, hulking counterpart. They are the sounds of a mad person; someone who had gone off the deep end.

“From the onset of the very first track, my heart felt like it had a weight pressing into it. Like sleep paralysis, I was terrified and yet my body completely relaxed. From the choice of chords and textures of the samples down to the lyrics, this album hits me probably most hard of all the b e g o t t e n 自杀 releases.”

Dennis, Owner of Geometric Lullaby

In my previous video, we last left off with Dennis’ trying to figure out what he should do with the mysterious package he received from b e g o t t e n 自杀. The strange envelope sent to him contained a single card that read "You're Invited" in big cursive letters. Below, there looked to be a fingerprint in red ink, or possibly blood. An address in Georgia, USA was also given on the card, and at the bottom was a scratchy b e g o t t e n 自杀 signature.

After some research and digging, he found that the address on the outer envelope was traced to a mental institution in Georgia while the address scribbled on the “You’re Invited” card on the inside of the envelope led him to a small graveyard with several mausoleums in central Georgia.

Dennis didn’t know if they should have the red ink, or what seemed to be blood, tested for DNA. He wondered if he should go to either of the addresses in Georgia. Or, possibly try and find someone to go there for him since he lived in a completely different state. His mind was flooded with questions.

Between the release of (hushwave) - 治愈它 and (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗篇, Dennis never received any further communication from b e g o t t e n 自杀, ultimately causing him to have to personally investigate the item he had gotten in the mail further.

This is what happened.

Dennis was able to eventually get in contact with a good friend who lived in the area of the Georgia addresses given to him, the friend actually took the time to find the address when Dennis reached out and agreed to scope out the place as the friend became just as interested as Dennis was.

When the friend FaceTimed Dennis upon their arrival, Dennis would see that they were in the middle of a beautiful graveyard, stones and trees engulfing the entirety of the background. They informed Dennis that they couldn't find anything that stuck out out of the ordinary, but Dennis asked them to just look a little bit longer since they had already gone through all that trouble to get there. This was Dennis’ first, and possibly last shot, at attempting to see if all of this b e g o t t e n 自杀 chaos was for real or just a hoax, so he knew he had to take advantage of the opportunity.

His friend was alone and the connection wasn't the greatest, but they ended up agreeing with Dennis’ request. As the sun began to set, they walked along each line of headstones and showed Dennis everything they could see. Dennis watched from his office, focusing on everything that was coming his way, all while wishing he could have just made the trip himself.

As time went by, the friend kept telling Dennis that it was just a simple graveyard and whoever was doing this to him was most likely just messing with him, but Dennis didn't want to believe it. He wanted something to happen.

"Just keep going. Walk through the whole thing," Dennis recalls telling his friend. And so he did, with Dennis wishing he had just one more email or anything else at all to help explain the letter and the reasoning behind the odd request for his friend, but he really had nothing to go off of besides what little b e g o t t e n 自杀 provided him with, and most of all, his own personal curiosity.

His friend reached the last row of gravestones and…they found absolutely nothing. But when his friend turned the camera to leave, Dennis spotted something.

"What was that?" Dennis yelled, nearly spilling his drink.

"I don't see anything, I..."

"No, on the road!"

Behind Dennis’ friend, on the only road path that led into the cemetery was an all black car. Dennis swore it hadn't been there before and he knew it definitely wasn't his friend's vehicle.

His friend’s face fell from a joking and light expression to fear. He hadn't noticed that car before either.

"I'm not going anywhere near that!" his friend told him.

Dennis begged his friend to talk to them, maybe knock on the window or at least wave, but his friend refused. The car didn't move and the windows were tinted so dark that it was impossible to see if anyone was inside.

And of course, by luck, the connection started to lose quality and the picture became blurry. The black of the car smudged the screen, mixed with the greens and greys, all painting the screen with its bad connection.

Next, the audio began to cut in and out. Dennis only got one more flash of something distinguishable before it completely disconnected. He couldn't tell if his friend was smiling or screaming. The still frame left him anxious and worried.

Dennis would try calling the friend over the next few days and it seemed that his phone was off or had no connection at all. A week would pass with these attempts by Dennis, which only led to a shocking discovery: the number had suddenly been disconnected completely. Any form of contact with the friend seemed hopeless at this point as Dennis would also discover that his Facebook account was deleted as well. Dennis called the local police station and gave them all the information he had regarding b e g o t t e n 自杀, the emails, the addresses, the situation with his friend, and the odd FaceTime call at the graveyard. Then, not three days later, Dennis would get a call.

It was his friend.

The friend acted as if nothing had happened all, as if they checked out the graveyard and there was nothing there. Dennis asked about their phone, their time away, not calling Dennis back, why they would suddenly delete their Facebook account, but strangely enough, Dennis’ friend would brush it all off as if Dennis was just making it all up in his head. The friend would tell Dennis that they were just busy and that there must have been a problem with their cell phone provider or service at the graveyard. They also claimed that they had just gotten tired of Facebook so they wanted to delete it for a while. A bit too coincidental as you can probably tell.

At this point, Dennis didn't know what to think. He knew the only other place he could get a clue from was from the other address he received: the one for the mental institution. He decided to ask his friend again to see if somehow, possibly, he would be willing to go check out that spot as well for him, but the friend said that he was busy.

Dennis’ friend hasn't contacted him since that follow-up phone call, nor has b e g o t t e n 自杀 as mentioned earlier. Summer of 2018 came and Dennis decided at this point, it was best to just release the next album in the b e g o t t e n 自杀 series, (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗篇. Maybe making this release go public would draw b e g o t t e n 自杀’s attention back in to the label owner who was constantly craving any sort of communication. As the release ran its course online, Dennis would spend his time planning on how to figure out more about the mental institution from which the letter he received was addressed. And of course, he would be checking his email, waiting for contact of any kind.

As with all of the previous b e g o t t e n 自杀 albums that were sent to Dennis in that initial email, (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗 would also contain a poem, block of Chinese test, and music videos from the producer to go with it all. Here was the attached poem:

"A ghost is a being sent to remind

A creature of memory, outside of space and time 

It returns with a vengeance, won't leave me alone 

Just as happiness finds me, my honesty is blown 

 

Another year will I last? A decade or two? 

Every day is a curse, but somehow I get through 

A friend is a pawn, a lover the same 

Another piece of my life, just a game 

 

I'll lose soon enough, I'll fall to the rest 

Inside I have lost, I've failed the test 

I deserve to disappear, and be forgotten at last." 

 

"Please, don't touch me...stay away"

Here was the Chinese text that was also sent with this album:

1不是给我们，耶和华，不是给我们，乃是因为你们的爱和信实，就是荣耀。 2为什么国家说：“他们的神在哪里？”3我们的神在天上。他做任何让他喜欢的事情。 4但他们的偶像是银和金，由人的手制成。他们有嘴，但不能说话，眼睛，但看不见。他们有耳朵，但听不到，鼻子，但不能闻到。他们有手，但感觉不到脚，但不能走路，也不能用喉咙发出声音。 8那些造他们的人，就像他们一样，所有信任他们的人也是如此。 9你们所有的以色列人相信耶和华 - 他是他们的帮助和盾牌。 10亚伦家，相信耶和华 - 他是他们的帮助和盾牌。 11敬畏他的，信耶和华 - 他是他们的帮助和盾牌。 12耶和华记念我们，要祝福我们，他将要祝福他的百姓以色列，他将要祝福亚伦的家，13他要保佑那些敬畏耶和华 - 小和大的人。 5月14日，耶和华使你们兴起，无论你和你的孩子。 15愿耶和华，天地的造物者蒙福。 16最高的天属于耶和华，乃属于他给人类的地球。赞美耶和华的，不是沉默的人，不是死人。 18我们现在和永远都是传扬耶和华。赞美耶和华 

1 Not for us, the Lord, not for us, but because of your love and faithfulness, which is glory. 2 Why countries say: "Where is their god?" 3 Our god is in heaven. He does whatever he likes. 4 But their idols are silver and gold, made of human hands. They have mouths, but they can't talk, eyes, but they can't see. They have ears but cannot hear, noses but cannot smell. They have hands, but they cannot feel their feet, but they cannot walk or make sounds through their throats. 8 Those who made them are just like them, so are all those who trust them. 9 All you Israelites believe in the Lord-He is their help and shield. 10 House of Aaron, believe in the Lord-he is their help and shield. 11 Those who fear him, believe in the Lord-he is their help and shield. 12 The Lord remembers us and will bless us. He will bless his people Israel. He will bless the house of Aaron. 13 He will bless those who fear the Lord-small and big. On May 14, the Lord raised you up, regardless of you and your children. 15 Blessed be the Lord, the Creator of heaven and earth. 16 The highest heaven belongs to the Lord, and belongs to the earth he gave to mankind. Praise the Lord is not a silent person, not a dead person. 18 We are preaching the Lord now and forever. Praise the Lord

Music videos for the tracks (disintegrate) - 瓦解 and (neurotic) - 神经质 were also sent from b e g o t t e n 自杀. For (disintegrate) - 瓦解, we are given this extremely low-res black and white footage of a train. It most certainly seems to be security footage slowed down as we can see the individual frames of this train moving its way along the tracks. A figure appears on the tracks, glowing as if the camera detects the heat coming off of their body. Next, the person purposely puts their body in front of the path of the train, and you can guess what happens next. It’s some pretty heavy stuff so please watch at your own discretion when visiting the Bandcamp page for (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗.

The music video for (neurotic) - 神经质 returns to that low-res, VHS quality skeleton footage we’ve seen in previous music videos from b e g o t t e n 自杀. Nothing really happens here as we’re just given this glowing skeleton looking down at the floor in a dark and ominous room. 

For fans of really smooth sample work, all with a creepy undertone and undeniable dark energy, (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗 is 100% for you. Its hopeless cries present in the vocal samples chosen are harrowing. The piano work feels heavier than the world, the drums decayed and beaten, and when all blended together we are served a smoothie that can put an elephant to sleep. (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗 is heavy, strong and emotional; hypnotizing, intoxicating, and alive. This album is best paired with the night time. Happy travels.

b e g o t t e n 自杀’s 4th album: (happy anniversary) - 周年快乐

[October 8th, 2018 / GEO - 020]

If (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗  was the low point, then (happy anniversary) - 周年快乐 serves at the manic counterpart. Talk about a 180 degree turn from our last departure with (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗, (happy anniversary) - 周年快乐 gives us a mirage of okay-ness, a soothing cloak that hastily covers up the darkness we had just previously heard. And this is replicated in the artwork as well: by far the most colorful and bright b e g o t t e n 自杀 cover yet, exciting greens and euphoric blues flood the skull upon every listen. Hustle and bustle vaportrap, soothing guitars maxed out in the reverb department, chimes and jingles sounding like you threw a fluffy pillow at a gigantic, gem-infused chandelier, listening to that wonderful sound as each individual crystal is knocked into the other.

The album also wraps up with four bonus tracks, each with these really fun and hyperactive chop jobs with samples bouncing all over the place, overall, a complete contradiction from the lethargic moods heard previously on (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗.

(happy anniversary) - 周年快乐 and its generally warm sample flips and extremely short run time confuse us from everything we just heard, it’s sporadic and sudden change in tone from the last three albums is just…bizarre.

What is exactly is going on with b e g o t t e n 自杀?

"This album feels spastic, nostalgic, dreamy, and surreal. It is all over the place, as if the artist's mind was going a million miles an hour while creating it. The lo-fi-type beats mixed with 8-bit and acoustic guitar highlight just part of the sampling and experimentation this album explores."

Dennis (Owner of Geometric Lullaby)

Here was the poem b e g o t t e n 自杀 sent over with this release:

"What a happy anniversary

What a joyous span of time

What a wonderful evening

With your hand in mine

You tell me everything that you want to say

You let it all out, put it all on display

I can't say a word, my mind goes blank

I want to shed tears, say words, give thanks

So happy anniversary, from me to you

You'll never understand, they never do."

Here was the Chinese text b e g o t t e n 自杀 sent with this release:

很容易陷入爱情，但是在一生的其余时间里，与同一个人保持恋爱更加困难。很容易陷入爱情，但是在一生的其余时间里，与同一个人保持恋爱更加困难。

即使一年过去了，你们分享的爱情持续下去。发出我最美好的祝愿，你将继续在爱和幸福中得到祝福。

在整个年龄段，许多人搜索，但从来没有发现像你们两个人那样的爱。愿你永远拥有伟大的爱和幸福的祝福。周年快乐！

感到自豪，知道你拥有每一个人渴望的那种爱，有一天会发现。愿你的心永远保持着像爱情一样的关爱和激情。周年快乐！

It is easy to fall in love, but it is more difficult to stay in love with the same person for the rest of your life. It is easy to fall in love, but it is more difficult to stay in love with the same person for the rest of your life.

Even if a year has passed, the love you shared continues. Send my best wishes, and you will continue to be blessed in love and happiness.

Throughout the ages, many people searched, but never found love like the two of you. May you always have great blessings of love and happiness. happy Anniversary!

Be proud of knowing that you have the kind of love that everyone desires, and one day you will find it. May your heart always keep the love and passion like love. happy Anniversary!

Music videos for the tracks (quartz) - 石英 and (diamond) - 钻石 were given for this album. (quartz) - 石英 would feature the reverse footage of gradually burning birthday candles, instead of everything melting away we see these candles rise from the grave. (diamond) - 钻石, an extremely short track at less than a minute long, presents sped up footage of a trick or treater during Halloween. 

To add some more context to the story, Dennis, the label owner of Geometric Lullaby, also spends his time performing in a band. Knowing that they would soon be on tour towards the latter part of 2018, Dennis realized that their route through the east coast of the United States would inevitably lead them past the address for the mental institution mentioned in the mysterious envelope.

Unfortunately, misfortune would strike again.

A hurricane would hit at the exact time they were supposed to drive south through Maryland, Virginia, and the Carolinas. Next up on the tour would have been Georgia, the state in which the mental asylum existed.

To make matters even worse, their engine died. Dennis notes it would’ve cost them several thousands of dollars to fix, and so instead of finally getting to the bottom of the surreal letter from our favorite little mysterious friend b e g o t t e n 自杀, they high-tailed it back home to Minneapolis from Syracuse, New York.

However...it was around this time that Dennis would finally receive an email from b e g o t t e n 自杀. It was short and it was simple. But to actually get some communication after such a long silence felt amazing. It said the following;

"Thank you. I am still alive. I am okay for now."

b e g o t t e n 自杀

Just those simple lines gave Dennis so much joy. He was glad that b e g o t t e n 自杀 was happy with how Geometric Lullaby was handling their releases. Dennis was nearly brought to tears.

At this point in our story, autumn of 2018, Dennis was yet to respond. The email was sort of final sounding, but of course, Dennis still had so many questions. At this time, Dennis wanted to take the next couple of weeks to figure out exactly what he wanted to respond with and how he wanted to say it. He was ready to continue to keep everyone updated on the situation, but thought it would be best to finally drop the fourth b e g o t t e n 自杀 album in October of 2018.

(happy anniversary) - 周年快乐 seemed to be the true calm before the storm in the saga of events between Dennis and b e g o t t e n 自杀. It was as if the melancholy musical style from the album replicated the seemingly calm section of the timeline the two virtual pen pals found themselves in at this moment. And while Dennis was relieved to finally hear back from b e g o t t e n 自杀, everything was still so odd. Any question Dennis had up until this point was still unanswered, nothing was solidified, nothing declared or figured out. Dennis took this time to focus on the label, prepare that fourth b e g o t t e n 自杀 release, and just take the time he needed to figure out his next move with the unknown producer.

In part III of our story, we’ll be wrapping everything up with b e g o t t e n 自杀.

Will Dennis figure out the truth behind the mystery?

Is it all a hoax, or something to truly be worried about?

I can promise you the oddities don’t end here and I can not wait to share with you how everything concludes. Until then, I think it’s time we put a virtual bookmark in our little story here, the insane tale of b e g o t t e n 自杀 is one of my favorite musical mysteries of all time and I hope to see you around for our final installment of what happened between Dennis and b e g o t t e n 自杀.

Thank you, we’ll talk soon.

Much love, ur boi,

Pad Chennington

Also known as "Youtube's Vaporwave Valedictorian", Pad Chennington is a content creator who has created a substantial following on YouTube for his videos discussing all things Vaporwave. Starting in the Fall of 2017, Pad's videos range from reviews to breakdowns, interviews to unboxings, and much more, always revolving around odd and interesting music genres found throughout the internet. Pad has also recently released an album in February titled "CONTRAST", available as a free download via the My Pet Flamingo label.

BEGOTTEN:
A Disturbing Online Music Mystery

WARNING: This article contains material not suitable for a younger audience. The following content and subject matter may be disturbing to some viewers.

I want to showcase everything that was sent to Dennis that day as best as I possibly could so the story of b e g o t t e n 自杀 can be shared as truthfully as possible.

Discretion is advised.

In 2017, an online music label known as Geometric Lullaby would create a thread on a forum in efforts to find new artists for their label. The label’s motto: A collection of songs about life and death.

They received a solid amount of responses but one response in particular stood out. What would happen next would not only change the label forever, but would introduce an entire online music scene to a series of six album releases shrouded in tragedy. All of this, paired with the chilling events we will learn about today, provides us with the ultimate case to solve… Just who is b e g o t t e n 自杀 ?

The story of b e g o t t e n 自杀 is absolutely massive and I believe it will be better to space the story out into multiple parts instead of having it all as one super long article. I plan on working on part two of this story as soon as I can so make sure you check on back here every once in a while.

So, our story today will focus on two people and the limited exchanges they’ve had: Dennis, the label owner of Geometric Lullaby, and obviously, the artist known as b e g o t t e n 自杀. As mentioned earlier, in 2017 Dennis would create a thread online in search of new artists for his label. A bizarre email from someone claiming to be from Azerbaijan, a small country just north of Iran, caught the eye of Dennis. The amount of material and what this email consisted of, was quite shocking.

Upon opening the email, Dennis noticed that the artist had already set up their own Bandcamp page with all of the covers and album names, each however, without any of the actual music.

The first reason this all caught the eye of Dennis was that he was sent six full albums, all at once, with each release set to go live on Halloween for every year going forward until 2022.

Aside from the music, the email also contained a series of music videos. These videos were eerie, haunting, dreamy, yet intoxicating and beautiful. Dennis says how the artist managed to make these videos so relaxing, all while at the same time putting him on edge, still baffles him to this very day.

And last, the text sent with the emails. What Dennis read from b e g o t t e n 自杀 was so bizarre, he just didn't know what to make of it. Each album had the title listed and track names (all of which included Chinese) and a block of Chinese text.

Dennis is still unable to understand the meaning of this text, or the reason for the Chinese language if they truly are from Azerbaijan. Some of it translates to almost a suicide note, while other parts sound like a story that they can't quite piece together.

Also included was a series of some of the most heart-wrenching poetry you could ever read paired with music. If you go to the artist's Bandcamp, you can read each of them right now, along with the album covers and titles. A lot of them are hard to read. They sound like someone who is in a dark place in their life. Dennis remembers all of this intriguing him without even hearing any of the albums yet.

Being hit with all of this at once, it was finally time for Dennis to download and listen to the music sent through the email. And, aside from the imagery, poetry, mysterious text and music videos, Dennis would soon discover a collection of albums unlike any other.

The music was dreamy and atmospheric, haunting yet relaxing, eerie but beautiful all at the same time. But most of all, it was extremely sad. Dennis found himself listening to every album, all six, from front to back twice as soon as he started them.

The multiple languages found in the samples selected tell a dark and depressive story, set against the backdrop of unbearable loneliness. Each release varies in mood from romantic inspired Vaporwave flips to darker trap beats and everything else in between. You’ll find sample work ranging from crystal clear and sharp as a knife to cloudy and incomprehensible, a smokescreen that suffocates us from the sound alone. Added chords and production techniques all evolve the original samples in such a riveting way with the emotional and worrisome narrative enriched into these songs

Dennis knew he had to be the one to release these albums.

After attempting to contact the artist back for over three months, Dennis would finally get a reply. It simply read: “Please release. Send me address.” Dennis immediately compiled everything he needed and sent the first album off for dubbing. Obviously, there was some doubt in all of this. Just who is this person? Why are they sitting on six albums of material as well as music videos to go along with them? Are they really from Azerbaijan? Dennis wondered if he should be worried about what was being said in the text from these releases, should he try and get this person help? Or, is this all a hoax or a prank? Or, is it simply someone trying to create just another creepy music alias on Bandcamp?

“Are these albums an intricate call for help? I just sincerely hope that this person is okay. They have created something unique and have a perspective on things that I can really connect with. I feel selfish, but I want more albums and expression from this individual. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I.”

Dennis, Owner of Geometric Lullaby

Dennis’ doubts about the location of b e g o t t e n 自杀 would eventually lessen when a mysterious package arrived in his mailbox, addressed from, where else, but Azerbaijan. The box contained only 25 copies of a J-card for cassettes of the first album known as “(life cycle) - 生命週期”, each with the word “Death” scribbled on front (for those who do not know, a J-card is the artwork insert placed in cassette cases).

Shortly after this is when we would see these albums begin to gradually emerge online, with the first one released on the label’s Bandcamp page on March 12th, 2018. I want to explore each release with you, going in order from when they were released on Geometric Lullaby and what was going on at that time in the saga of events between Dennis and b e g o t t e n 自杀.

Let us begin.

b e g o t t e n 自杀’s 1st album: (life cycle) - 生命週期 [March 12, 2018 / GEO - 005]

(life cycle) - 生命週期 would be the first b e g o t t e n 自杀 album that would see the dark of night on the internet. Music videos were also included in the original email from b e g o t t e n 自杀 for the album's title track (longing) - 渴望 and for the album’s 4th track (life) - 生活. These music videos, which contain nothing but low quality shots of skeletons, were the first of many to emerge on Geometric Lullaby from the series of footage sent over from b e g o t t e n 自杀 in the original email.

Every b e g o t t e n 自杀 music video gives off this vibe of decayed VHS, this sort of “Candle Cove” aura for those who remember when that whole thing was a craze on the internet.

(life cycle) - 生命週期 would consist of ten tracks, a very exciting and animated vaportrap release right out the gates for b e g o t t e n 自杀, all while still being hazy and lethargic with it’s wonderful use of textures and uncanny sound effects like the cry of the penguin you race in Super Mario 64 that is missing it’s baby. Manipulating R&B tracks and moody hip hop selections that fizzle out into these weird outer body climaxes are simply stunning and Dennis choosing this as the first b e g o t t e n 自杀 release to put on the label, besides the fact that this was the first release in the chronological timeline provided by b e g o t t e n 自杀, was the perfect move.  (life cycle) - 生命週期 is the ultimate entrance into the labyrinth of b e g o t t e n 自杀’s mind.

As mentioned earlier, each release was accompanied by text and poetry. Here is what was given from that email sent to Dennis for this first album:

"If love is a gift then I am luckier than most

I am showered with more than anyone could hope

Only I cannot accept them with open arms or a smile

I push everyone away from me, neverending denial

It hurts to exist

It is painful to live

My wrists show the struggle of my emptiness

Just once I want to express myself right

To be honest to those who deserve so and cry

To bleed my own blood not for me, not my life

But someone who needs it, just once before I die

No more lies...

And when I'm gone from this life, I'll look down in surpise

The world keeps on turning, not a cloud in the sky

Without me it's better and less filled with hate

Because now I am gone, buried deep in a grave.

Lay me down and close my eyes. Send me off into the night."

b e g o t t e n 自杀

Here was the Chinese text also sent to Dennis with the album. Translate these at your own discretion as some of these texts can get pretty heavy:

我真的很想去杀我自己，因为没有人需要我在这里，没有人要我在这里，没人在乎，我没有在线离线的朋友，我不爱我的家人，没有任何人理解我，我是一个失败，只是浪费钱/食物，更多我可以列出

 

所以我在这个旅行的合唱团，但是是夏天，但有像冬天般的天气。旅游地点有点糟糕，因为我曾经住过（约3000人，充满吸毒者）。我记得走到温迪的一个场所（没有我住过的地方），但这个标志就像“老兵酒吧”那样庆祝老将。我走进去，我没有钱，也没有我的朋友，但是一位老太太说：“哦，我不在乎，你还会在这么美好的一天去冰淇淋。”然后我被我的合唱团中的男中音拉开，我完全迷失在感觉像一个梦幻般的颜色和建筑物的模糊。

 

我所说的是冬季天气的原因是因为在上一部分末尾的幽灵段下雨，我用身体遮挡我的东西在雨中不被弄湿。即使这次旅行持续了几个小时，我想（不记得有关旅行的细节，也没有看到我的老师或任何同学以外的男高音和男中音）。我终于得到了不公平的，在一条我很熟悉的街道上。我头脑里有一个想法：我要去这个城里的朋友家去拜访，这是我去过他们家的唯一的朋友，和他一起睡觉。所以当我到了他的房子（我像火影忍者那样跑了30分钟，而不是坐公共汽车），到了他的房子，他是真的不同。有意义的是，我想：“在3.5年的时间里，我们分开了，我发现了一种幽默幽默感，他有一种脚痛，痴迷于水獭”

 

但等等还有更多

 

我进了他的房子，他没有像上次那样的狗，但他比以前有5个兄弟姐妹。我记得的是，我问他的父母在哪里，他的父亲说“哦，Skyler发现如何把自己变成水獭，所以他在浴室里有一些”私人时间“，这对他来说非常伤心”，而我可以听到非常非常大声的浴室呻吟声。我在汗水中醒来，低声想死

Each of these albums, when sent to Dennis, would be tagged as “hushwave” on Bandcamp, as well as the title of the second album released from b e g o t t e n 自杀. Dennis isn’t sure if this is the genre they came up with for their sound, but to him, it fits perfectly.

(life cycle) - 生命週期 would be released on a limited edition ruby red cassette with the first 25 orders containing that j-card “signed” by the artist. Side note: all of the b e g o t t e n 自杀 releases would eventually be re-released by Geometric Lullaby in a beautiful box-set collection on October 14th 2019. There were two variants of this box set, the Ghoul edition and the Ghost edition. These were released to the public with an unknown amount and, as expected, sold out ridiculously quickly due to b e g o t t e n 自杀’s status in the community and their beloved work.

b e g o t t e n 自杀’s 2nd album: (hushwave) - 治愈它 [June 11, 2018 / GEO - 010]

“This release was a little unsettling to me at first. It takes a different direction than the first album, in that, it achieves being both more haunting and creepy, while at the same time being more beautiful and relaxing. It seems that this release uses all female vocal samples, which adds to the airy and ghost-like soundscapes it creates. The songs conjure a thick fog of atmosphere and uncertainty, vaporous in its release, like the depiction on the cover.

I believe this album is a perfect culmination of what the artist was trying to get across with their tag "hushwave" that I have never heard before.”

Dennis, Owner of Geometric Lullaby

Up until this release, Dennis attempted countless times to contact b e g o t t e n 自杀 by email, even at the cost of spamming the original email address from which the albums were sent. Besides the initial email, the email asking for Dennis’ address, and the package that was sent from Azerbaijan, Dennis had yet to receive any sort of contact or response from b e g o t t e n 自杀. He began to believe all hope was lost in ever contacting this person again. That was, until, Dennis got a letter in the mail just three weeks before the release of b e g o t t e n 自杀’s 2nd album on the label.

The envelope was a beige color with the address, both sending and return, printed from what seemed to be a typewriter. Dennis had no idea who it was from, as the sender's name was typed as "B. D. W." and the address was from somewhere in the middle of Georgia (the state, not the country). The address seemed to have some significance but more on this in a bit.

Woozy and distant, the tones explored in b e g o t t e n 自杀’s second album (hushwave) - 治愈它 are enchanting on a whole 'nother level. Most of the tracks on here are just echoed vocals paired with some stretched out synths or reverb flooded piano keys. (hushwave) - 治愈它 is b e g o t t e n 自杀’s most minimalistic album in the series with the most animated track being all the way at the end of the album. The ending of that track, titled (hidden) - 隐藏,  shifts the mood into this almost silly, Halloween-like jingle that feels a bit uneasy due to the ironically innocent sounding “spookiness” it has.

Here was the poem that came with this album:

"A step too far and I find my way

Falling to my knees because the emptiness remains

The lights are so bright, I must close my eyes

I indulge once more as tears fall and she cries

Life is a burden I cannot bear

The barrel of a gun, a blank-eyed stare

Razor blade on the mantle, a cup full of pills

I tried everything once but nothing fulfills

Scars on my arms, self-mutilation, perhaps

I could get out of bed now, but rather take another nap

Scared to death of death itself and nowhere to turn

I hope I find solace before it's too late to learn."

b e g o t t e n 自杀

The album would also come with two music videos in the original email, one for the song (insomnia) - 失眠 and one for the song (ghost) - 鬼白 

The music videos feature these weird masked figures flailing and dancing around, every couple of seconds staring off and seeming to almost lose control of their bodies.

For fans of relaxing Vaporwave or Slushwave, this release is perfect for you. A big chunk of the b e g o t t e n 自杀 tracks we’ve gotten over the years feel so sensual at times, and this album is one of the best examples. It’s weird, if you didn’t know the backstory of these albums and what went into all of this, some of these releases would probably be super laidback and relaxing. Problem is, once you know, you know and you can’t avoid the horrific energy surrounding the b e g o t t e n 自杀 releases.

Here was the Chinese text provided for this release, when translated, seems to make no sense at all in relation to the album, track titles, artwork or anything:

这是通过应用物理和气象学原理来预测天气。天气预报预测了由大气条件（雪和冰覆盖，暴风雨，洪水等）引起的地球表面的大气现象和变化。科学天气预报依赖于经验和统计技术，如温度，湿度，大气压力，风速和方向以及降水的测量，以及计算机控制的数学模型。

So... back to the envelope.

After Dennis picked up the strange letter he went back into his apartment and opened it, curious, but thinking nothing of it at the time. What ended up being inside sent shivers down his spine; another envelope. This one was badly damaged. The addresses were written in red ink... and the return address?

Baku, Azerbaijan.

Dennis recalls nearly dropping the envelope. He cut it open carefully, his hands were shaking. Inside, there was a single card, thicker than paper. It read "You're Invited," in big cursive letters. Below, there looked to be a fingerprint in red ink, or possibly blood. An address was given, again, in Georgia. At the bottom, scribbled hastily was the word begotten.

And that was it. No date or details on what he was being invited to.

Dennis pulled up Google on his computer and looked up the first address from the outer envelope. That was when he got a little scared. The address was a state mental institution in Georgia. The building looked old and worn down, but according to Google, it was still active. His breathing shortened and he had to pinch himself wondering if he was in some sort of horror movie.

Next, Dennis looked up the address from the "You're Invited" card and nothing came up at all. He searched for a while to no avail and decided to download Google Earth. He pulled up the exact address and zoomed in to find a small graveyard with several mausoleums in central Georgia. He looked back at the card and decided that it was definitely blood leaving the fingerprint, not red ink.

At this point, Dennis took a moment to stop and absorb everything that was happening. He came up with four conclusions on what could possibly be going on with whoever this b e g o t t e n 自杀 person is:

1. Someone was pranking him from the start and this whole thing was just one big hoax.
2. Someone just started pranking him after the first release. They saw the first story and were now trying to feed off of the mystery.
3. b e g o t t e n 自杀 is actually someone living in Georgia, possibly in the mental institution. They used the Azerbaijan address as a decoy.
4. b e g o t t e n 自杀 is actually in Azerbaijan and is, for some reason, using this person in Georgia as a middleman. They sent them the original letter, which was then forwarded to Dennis in another envelope.

Dennis’ mind was flooded with questions: should they have the blood tested for DNA? Should he go to either of the addresses in Georgia? Or possibly try and find someone to go there for him since he lived in a completely different state?

Whatever his next move was, he knew that he needed to continue the release of these albums. Next up would be b e g o t t e n 自杀’s third album, the one many consider to be the darkest of them all.

----------

As mentioned earlier, I believe it will be better to space these articles out instead of having the story all put out as one super long read. That being said, I think this is a good place to stop before we open up a whole new can of worms with the third album.

We’ll talk again soon.

Until we meet again for our next deep dive into fascinating music…

Much love,

Ur boi,

Pad Chennington

Also known as "Youtube's Vaporwave Valedictorian", Pad Chennington is a content creator who has created a substantial following on YouTube for his videos discussing all things Vaporwave. Starting in the Fall of 2017, Pad's videos range from reviews to breakdowns, interviews to unboxings, and much more, always revolving around odd and interesting music genres found throughout the internet. Pad has also recently released an album in February titled "CONTRAST", available as a free download via the My Pet Flamingo label.