ECCOJAMS: The Birth of Vaporwave

Released on August 8th, 2010, Daniel Lopatin’s Chuck Person’s Eccojams Vol 1. Is considered by many to be the first ever Vaporwave album. From it’s aesthetic direction to the style of sample slicing and looping, the chopped and screwed playings of Lopatin’s one-time Chuck Person alias left a massive impact on the Vaporwave direction, and is rightly so considered to be one of the true grails of the genre... and today, I want to talk about it.

To properly discuss Eccojams and how it came to be, I think it’s best if we first take a look at the man who created the project in the first place: Daniel Lopatin.

Born in 1982, Massachusetts very own Daniel Lopatin was introduced to the world of music at an early age. Both of his parents came from musical backgrounds, his father was once in a garage-rock band called the Flying Dutchman, and his mother was a classically trained piano player and music teacher, and because of this, Lopatin found a bunch of musical influence right
at home. He was surrounded by many of the works found in his father’s music collection, mixes from local radio stations, video game soundtracks, as well as everything his mother taught him along the way. Heather Phares does a wonderful biography on Lopatin that I highly recommend giving a read if you’re looking for a more intensive look on Daniel’s beginnings and early career.

As he got older, Daniel would go on to play synthesizer in bands and groups during his high school years. Eventually moving to Brooklyn, NY for grad school where he would become involved in Brooklyn’s underground noise music scene. Lopatin would begin releasing music under a number of different names and aliases, only to eventually take on the name Oneohtrix Point Never, a play on the name of a Boston radio station.

Daniel’s passion for keyboards, samplers and sequencers has crafted a pretty impressive resume over the years, many may recognize Lopatin for 2011’s Replica, an absolute Oneohtrix Point Never classic. With samples ripped mostly from 1980’s commercials, Lopatin provided ears with a dynamic journey from start to end. Moments like “Sumbersible” are heavy and bellowing while other tracks like “Child Soldier” are jittery and playful. Replica is really the perfect listen for those getting into Lopatin’s work under the Oneohtrix Point Never name, he’s
able to craft genuine emotion and structure with these broken and jumpy sounds while building the album, ultimately presenting a beautiful palette of sensations for the listener.

8 years and much more music later, Lopatin would end up composing the original score to the 2019 anxiety-ridden, crime-thriller film Uncut Gems, and a year later, work with the Weeknd, producing and writing a couple of songs off of his album After Hours. Lopatin would also play a huge role in the Weeknd’s latest album, Dawn FM.

To think that someone who’s working with the Weeknd and is composing music for one of my favorite films of all time was once making Vaporwave, even if it was only one time, is pretty mind blowing.

Lopatin’s legacy in Vaporwave would begin in the late-2000’s on his sunsetcorp YouTube channel. “angel”, “nobody here” and “demerol” are considered to be some of the first ever true Vaporwave tracks, all also eventually making their way onto Chuck Person’s Eccojams Vol. 1. These are all still viewable on the sunsetcorp YouTube channel, with “nobody here” even hitting over 2 million plays as of the making of this video.

Each piece features what Lopatin called “echo jams”: chopped, screwed up and sliced selections that take a bite right out of a sample, and pancakes the chop over and over to create this dizzying yet hypnotic sensation throughout the tracks run time with varying amounts of delay, reverb, echoing, you name it. Almost anyone can practice making echo jams due to their simplistic nature, and because of this, each echo jam’s personality depends on what snippet from a sample the producer finds to be the juiciest to flip. Lopatin understands that because each producer has their own taste, there will always be a seemingly infinite amount of possibilities on how a sample can be used for an echo jam.

Produced between 2009 and 2010 and Released in the Summer of 2010, Chuck Person’s Eccojams Vol. 1 consists of two sides: tracks A1 through A8 and tracks B1 through B7. The album feels like a candy store of sounds, with chewed up samples from Toto to Ian Van Dahl, and E.L.O to Janet Jackson. There really is a little bit of everything on this album.

Although the Vaporwave scene has really only been around for 10 or so years, tracks off of Chuck Person’s Eccojams Vol. 1 make me already feel nostalgic for earlier days in the scene. Hearing that intro track A1 rev up into the “Africa” sample by Toto is just so magical everytime, Lopatin throws the sample back and forth like he’s having a baseball catch and just submerges everything in this aquatic, eroded and thick shroud to quickly introduce us into the deep-sea
artwork from the album cover. A2, or as we’ve come to know of it as “Angel” from the sunsetcorp uploads, features some of the more diverse sample chopping moments of the album. Nothing on the album is really revolutionary in regards to how Lopatin decides to pick and place where each sample chop go, more of the focus on Chuck Person’s Eccojams Vol. 1 is spent with the textures and hypnotic experiences found within the final result of the sample reworks, but A2’s
first couple of seconds does feature some of the more bouncier moments of sample chopping on the album. Fleetwood Mac’s “Only Over You” from 1982 bombarded with reverb, echoing and obnoxious, yet tasteful, flangers.

And Lopatin continues this style of nostalgia inducing, trippy overlapping sample play throughout the rest of the tracklist, and to talk about each track individually feels a bit pointless in a way since it’s an album that kinda does the same thing throughout the entire run time. There is a really nice range of genres explored through the sample choices Lopatin made in each track individually, but the glitched, almost “broken”, concept that glazes over the entire project pretty much makes every track feel the same, and it really works for a project like this
one. Lopatin takes the sweetest, most savory, part of a sourced track, and loops that perfect hook at nauseum, and doing that pretty much throughout the entire project gives this thing it’s personality. Echo jams were done time and time again after this release, but nothing ever truly captured the same magic Lopatin did with this thing. Maybe he just knew how to hit our brains right with the perfect sample choices, his wonderful editing and texturizing, whatever it is, nothing ever really hits like Chuck Person’s Eccojams Vol. 1.

On the visual side, we’re given glitchy album art built up from bits and scraps of the Sega Mega Drive and Mega-CD versions of the Ecco the Dolphin video game. This cover is like a historical Vaporwave art composition at this point—this and Floral Shoppe, of course, seem to be the most recognizable Vaporwave classics from those who have at least heard of the genre once or twice and for good reason. They capture such a nostalgic tone yet they feel so liminal and unnatural... All themes that would be chiseled into the Vaporwave aesthetic for years to come.

The concoction of fragments on the Chuck Person’s Eccojams Vol. 1. artwork is so jarring yet cool at the same time, and just feels like a Gameshark cheat code gone wrong. The artwork really pairs well with that pancaking audio effect I mentioned earlier that Lopatin uses as a staple throughout the project. And, just like the Ecco the Dolphin game itself, there is a sense of dread behind the album as well, Lopatin taking happy pop songs and corrupting them through various amounts of delay, reverb and tape manipulation, while the video game gives you, what should be, a beautiful ocean world terrorized by an outside force. I’ve always looked at the album as a message on the dangers of relying too much on nostalgia for happiness, the idea that we can sometimes have such a broken view of a romanticized past, and how that affects us in finding significance in new experiences.

There will always be discussion, in virtually any community, topic or subject, on what people believe was the “first to ever do it”. While many in the past have sampled music in similar fashion to Lopatin’s work here, the aesthetic and tone present within the entirety of Chuck Person’s Eccojams Vol. 1. was so crushingly Vaporwave in an almost sinister, purposeful sort’ve way, that I find it so hard to choose anything else as the “first ever” for the genre due to the project’s self-awareness in a time where there were no other relatable Vaporwave releases to
compare itself to.

As of today, the only Lopatin-sanctioned physical release of Eccojams came from the label The Curatorial Club on a limited edition cassette, a cassette which has once sold, according to Discogs, for $1,000... Pretty wild!

With the boom of vinyl and cassette releases becoming more and more available in the Vaporwave community in recent years, Eccojams never received a true, Lopatin sanctioned physical release beyond the original limited edition cassette back in 2010. And this is pretty understandable, there’s some heavy samples on here that are quite distinguishable and if Lopatin ever wanted to officially get this all cleared for a truly sanctioned physical release, I’m sure it wouldn’t even be worth it at that point.

A number of bootlegs were released throughout the years, most notably the Vapor Tapes Inc. drop back in the day which some of you may remember caused quite a stir when they were first revealed. I actually grabbed one of these things when it was first announced, I just saw it on Twitter I think and immediately picked one up not really thinking about it beyond the “wow, a physical release of eccojams!”, only to soon see Lopatin kinda shoot it down a little while later. I don’t really remember the whole story of Vapor Tapes Inc. but I do remember them also posting about an Eccojams vinyl release as well as some bootleg Blank banshee stuff, I’m not even sure if those ever saw the light of day, but yeah I have this weird and wacky cassette version of Chuck Person’s Eccojams Vol. 1. I do like the glittery cassette shell, that was kinda cool.

I also have an unofficial lathe cut record of the album released on Groovy Dude Records. These were released at a super limited amount as well a couple years ago, I don’t remember the exact number, but I do remember seeing the post about the drop on Reddit and it genuinely felt like the label was releasing this for the pure sake of fans and collectors just wanting to see Chuck Person’s Eccojams Vol. 1 on vinyl. I don’t remember the exact price of the vinyl either but I do
remember it being really reasonably priced, further noticing that this really wasn’t made for profit at all but merely a cool gift for the scene. I love the transparent look of the lathe, and the artwork looks really rich and hi-res too, super nice touch. Bootlegs and unofficial releases are always an interesting subject, but lathe cut in particular felt simply made as an homage to the classic Vaporwave album, and it’s just cool being able to spin eccojams on my record player.

In regards to visual material, A handful of tracks from Chuck Person’s Eccojams Vol. 1 were also originally used on Memory Vague, Lopatin’s 2009 audio-visual project that was released as a limited-edition DVD in June of 2009 by the label Root Strata. With Lopatin providing the music and Maxwell August Croy the design and layout of the project, Memory Vague served up a concoction of found footage material like commercials, animation and music videos, all edited
by Lopatin in Windows Movie Maker. The project contains the sunsetcorp YouTube music videos Lopatin uploaded like “Angel” and “Nobody Here”, as well as several other tracks from the eccojams project all adding up to 11 tracks in total. Memory Vague is considered to be another pioneering piece in the Vaporwave genre due to its aesthetic tone and manipulation of 80’s source material. The DVD is also pretty hard to comeby as well, once selling for over $100 on discogs.

So with an album name like Eccojams Vol. 1 it was only obvious that people would eventually think: “well, where’s Vol. 2?”

With it now being over a decade since the release of Eccojams, a Vol. 2 never came to be unfortunately. When asked about a possible Vol. 2 in a Reddit AMA post from October 2013, Lopatin replied with “I have multiple volumes of eccojams in the cryptotank set to defrost in the distant future”... gotta love it.

And I can only assume that he has a ton of these things he just never released, echo jams are audio snacks to me and like most Vaporwave flips, there’s a charm and almost ironic replayability in their disposability, and I’m sure there was also a similar sort’ve feeling when creating these things. I imagine Daniel played with tons of samples during the creation of Chuck Person’s Eccojams Vol. 1 that maybe just didn’t hit right for him. Who knows how many of them are half finished or maybe fully complete but not up to par for what he wanted in an official release, but I like to really think of them all sitting in some frozen hard drive thousands of feet under the sea in some metallic facility with a giant window showcasing the deep ocean floor. Some real Dr. Evil kinda shit.

Looking back at the project and its legacy, it’s still really great to see people paying homage to the echo jams style even in the present day. ECCO:10 - A Tribute to Chuck Person's Eccojams Vol 1. celebrated the 10 year anniversary of Lopatin’s work with a massive 51-track compilation project featuring over 30 artists and creators. Originally released in 2020 on the label Virtual Dream Club, the project would get re-released about a year later on Tiger Blood Tapes as a
complete version, this time with a really sweet limited edition double cassette tape boxset. All profits given towards the cassette purchase went towards the water.org foundation, a foundation aimed to help people get access to safe water and sanitation around the world.

Even my favorite Vaporwave release from 2021, gh0st’s 呪文, has a heavy influence from Lopatin’s eccojams, even having a track on there titled “ecco to no one”.

Do I think Lopatin will ever come out with a Vol. 2? Honestly, no. I actually think it’s kinda cool that there’s only a Vol. 1, this concept maybe that people who stumble upon the release who don’t know anything about it or it’s legacy, just finding it for what it is, possibly trying to search for a Vol. 2 after finishing the album, only to completely fail at ever finding the follow up. The idea of lost nostalgia, and the irony in those who try and re-capture those same, exact feelings in their present day living... It just doesn’t exist, and it never can.

The obnoxious behavior of Chuck Person’s Eccojams Vol. 1 and it’s dedication of flooding you with a nostalgia-overdose serves as a great reminder, at least for me personally, to find inspiration in nostalgia, and not necessarily try to re-capture it. Eccojams Vol. 1 is an album I really don’t listen to frequently, I kind’ve get sick of it after a full listen honestly and I think that’s just another ironic beauty of the album. I get that nostalgia blast from it, but after a while even I too just want to listen to something less intoxicating. Chuck Person’s Eccojams Vol. 1 is really unique in that way and genuinely feels disposable, in all the good ways. If I ever need to jab myself with a nostalgia-syringe, I know exactly where to go.

Much love, ur boi and we’ll talk soon, Pad Chennington.

ODE TO DEAD MALLS

The first time I stepped foot in Innsbrook Mall, I was a freshman in college still feeling out of sorts navigating an unfamiliar town. I needed my license plate renewed and did a quick search for the nearest DMV, expecting the experience to be no different than stepping into any other DMV in America. When I got there, my gut instinctively told me that I was in the wrong place. There was a small stairwell that had been roped off and two broken escalators on either side. I awkwardly stomped up the unmoving escalator and was greeted by the eeriest environment I’d ever found myself in. It was as if I’d been transported back to 1983, but as someone who usually would have been comforted by the nostalgia of the distinctively 80’s signage and cheesy jazz wafting from outdated speakers, I felt weirdly on edge. I was the only person there. Every storefront was frozen in time in a way that made it feel as if these shop owners left with the kind of hastiness only a zombie apocalypse would bring about.

The DMV experience was as uneventful as I’d expected. It was one of two shops still operating inside of the mall and was almost as stuck in time as the rest of the place (the other one still in operation was a quinceanera dress shop) But I left with a newfound obsession. The eerie feelings I’d experienced, the stark contrast between the comfort of being in what is essentially a time capsule and the adrenaline rush of being in an abandoned space that almost feels forbidden had me hooked. In true retro nostalgic fashion, I bought a film camera to capture the details of this mall I found so charming/creepy. I brought friends to see it, promising them that this was unlike anything they’d seen before. Some found it as exciting as I did, others were confused by my bizarre enthusiasm for what was basically a barren, decrepit strip mall that smelled like mothballs. After researching the mall’s history a bit more I was led to and embraced by a community of people who were as hooked on those feelings as I was.

Innsbruck Mall

I discovered early on that this dead mall obsession was a very specific phenomenon that attracted people on a deeper level than the hobby of urban exploration in general. People were drawn to the nostalgia of '80s and '90s hyper-consumerism, memories of childhood innocence, the feeling that these spaces were such an essential and permanent part of American culture. The downfall of the shopping mall came as little surprise following the rise of online shopping, but it still represented the death of an iconic cultural institution. The ability to experience these once perfectly manicured, impressively modern spaces as overgrown, deserted, outdated ruins is such a unique experience. Each dead mall represents more than just an abandoned space, it represents abandoned memories and the death of a more carefree and optimistic way of life. It’s similar to what draws people to Vaporwave as a genre, that yearning for a place in time that exists only through relics like music and defunct technology. There’s actually a huge overlap between these two communities, and retro nostalgia is what bonds the two.  

In some ways, my skeptical friends had a point. They are just abandoned spaces, no more than a few boarded up shops and outdated signs advertising things at hilariously low '80s prices ($3.99 for jeans is one I’ll never forget). Is there really a significance to this eerie, forgotten place that will soon be demolished? If the people I’ve met online throughout this journey have taught me anything, I’d say yes. There are few things that sum up what the 1980s represented better than a shopping mall. And to experience the somber remnants of that is the coolest experience. I’ll never forget my Innsbruck Mall experiences and I’ve made a point of exploring other abandoned malls around the country. If there are any near you (which, with the rate of mall closures in the past 20 years, there’s a good chance there is) I’d recommend checking it out and getting those mothball induced goosebumps for yourself.

Cd.BETA.Rose&Chrome1.0

This is an NFT for both a Physical 30" x 40" oil painting along with a print quality render file. Cd.BETA.Rose&Chrome1.0 is a conceptual Vaporwave piece originating as a render created in collaboration between artists Paul Plastic and Kevin Rejtö Lowry.

The render was then translated into the physical dimension as an oil painting by Kevin Rejtö Lowry. The winning bidder will be shipped the oil painting along with emailed the high res print ready master art/render file.

PAUL PLASTIC

Paul Rosas was born on February 24, 1989 in Los Angeles, CA ; his work explores the unseen forces hidden beneath the surface of whatever we call "reality" by mediums including photography, video, & 3D animations. Paul experiments with language & visual mediums to experiment with new techniques for representing ideas of the unconscious and dream states we all universally experience.

He is concerned with deconstructing language to define our “true” reality, awareness and what we call “human emotions” Rosas is inspired by dreams, planets, mythical and contemporary religion, nothingness, comedy, people, nature, and all artists, no matter what style they play.

Dwelling in psychedelic idealism and the abstract of this "reality" using 3D renders to recreate/mimic abstractions that get to that "real", in which there is no difference between the "real" and the "idea"; what he calls the "dream". The dream, set in a psychedelic world more real than "reality", he creates surreal images and a hybrid blend of mysticism and religious provocation.

Rosas studied Graphic design at Rio Hondo College. He currently lives and works in Los Angeles, CA. Collaborating with many artist, in which he is exploring and developing more towards his passion for film and the 3D visual arts

KEVIN REJTO LOWRY

Born in Los Angeles and raised in the Bay Area Kevin returned to LA as a young adult. Obsessed with nostalgia for lost times and places Kevin has a profound collection of retro VHS Tapes, Vintage Clothes, Cassette Tapes, and even a customized Haiso Spec. Kaido racer.

Kevin Lowry is a self taught painter who has been painting since 2009. He began with graffiti writing to computer generated renders to painting. His paintings have a certain “aesthetic”, a feeling of “this could be from the past, but it’s clearly not”.

Creating the 30" x 40" oil painting of Cd.BETA.Rose&Chrome1.0 took Kevin over 7 months. 

Profits from the sale of this piece go directly to the artists. 

The NFT is now available for 11ETH on Vapor95's Foundation.app page! Check the link below and happy bidding! 

Cd.BETA.Rose&Chrome1.0 NFT

MiniDiscs: What Was, Is, and Could Have Been

VAPOR95 LIVE REPLAYS

IF YOU MISSED OUR VAPOR95 LIVESTREAMS...

We've uploaded the full shows for you on Vimeo:

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Vapor95 Live 4.0 featured sets from ΛDRIΛNWΛVE, CVLTVRE, Neon Vectors, Limousine, Pad Chennington, Future Girlfriend Music, Vaperror, Macross 82-99, Flamingosis, Android Apartment, Lola Disco, kissmenerdygirl, and Tupperwave and was a night not to be missed. 

 WATCH VAPOR95 LIVE 3.0

Vapor95 Live 3.0 featured nine incredible sets by Android Apartment, Telenights, Lola Disco, kissmenerdygirl, 식료품groceries, Skule Toyama, Tupperwave, SUPERSEX420, and 猫 シ Corp.

 WATCH VAPOR95 LIVE 2.0

Vapor95 Live 2.0 featured a m a z i n g sets and visuals by Bl00dwave, VAPERROR, Neon Vectors, Kiss Me Nerdy Girl, Pad Chennington, t e l e p a t h テレパシー能力者, Windows96, chris†††, CVLTVRΣ, and Night Tempo!

VAPOR95 LIVE 1.0

THANK YOU

ARTIST SPOTLIGHT:
RIGELWAVE

Hi Rigelwave! We absolutely love your style and are so excited to feature you on our Darknet blog. Tell us a little about yourself and how long you’ve been creating art.

Thank you so much for this opportunity!

Well, I’m a digital artist from Chile! I live in a city called Viña del Mar and I studied digital animation.

I started creating art and publishing it on social media in the beginning of 2018, three years ago. I’ve been attracted to the art world since I was a kid, but I never thought I could work on it until I started studying.

How would you describe the style of your work and where do you draw your inspiration from?

I try to not think that I have a “style” because I would feel stuck in it, but people often describe it as a “retro futurist” since I like mixing old technology with current and futurist items, such as outfits or backgrounds.

My inspiration comes from different places, some of them come from my childhood. My dad is an electronic engineer and programmer so I always had a computer in my house. Playing retro games on my computer or putting the information for my classes at school on diskettes, listening to music on radios with cassettes and all that stuff brings me back to the old days in the beginning of the 21st century.

Cyberpunk aesthetic is also part of my inspirations. Harajuku style and Kawaii girls, too.

When did you discover your passion for the Kawaii aesthetic reflected in your work?

I think it was when I was in the second year of my college, because I started watching kawaii anime like Sakura Card Captor and Marmalade Boy. I got inspired by their aesthetic and I used it in my works.

Tell us more about your artistic process. How did you go from rough idea to finished piece? What kind of materials do you use?

Well, since I’m a digital artist I just need a computer, the program, and my digital tablet. I try to get inspiration from Pinterest, Tumblr and Instagram, saving pictures of old devices such as Tamagotchi's or old cell phones and cute outfits that I can use on the girls that I make. I do a rough sketch, then I do the line art, and then I paint it with shining colors and glitches.

Does music inspire your artwork or creative process? Are there any specific artists you like to listen to while you create your art?

Yes! Snail House’s music is a huge inspiration for me when I have to draw something cute! When I wanna draw more retro stuff, The Midnight, Ollie Wride, and Jessie Frye’s songs help me a lot to get in the mood.

Can you tell us a little about any pieces or projects that you’re working on at the moment?

At this moment, I’m just working on upgrading my Ko-fi shop and doing commissions! Two weeks ago, I released an animated music video on my YouTube channel. I haven't animated since I got out of college so I wanted to try doing it for my portfolio. It's a very cute song so I tried to use a very kawaii aesthetic on it.

If you weren’t an artist, what would be your ultimate dream job?

To be honest, I always wanted to be an artist since I showed interest in it at a very young age. But what I also love to do is to attend public! I love going to conventions and selling my merch there, so working in a store selling stuff will be amazing and super fun.

What advice would you give to aspiring artists looking to pursue art at a professional level? What’s something you wish you could tell your younger self?

I think one of the most important things to do is not to devalue our work. Art is a luxury, not a necessity. Some people often think that art should be cheaper since “it's fun” or “a hobby”, and a lot of younger artists fall in that and feel that their work isn’t good enough to charge for it. Art is a profession like many others and it takes a lot of time, work, and practice to get to a good level. Nobody is born with the talent; you only get talented by working hard and studying well.

And to my younger self...I wish I could hug that kid and tell her that she shouldn't listen to mean comments and kids that bully me. And to never give up on creating art! ♥

✨ RIGELWAVE ✨
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ARTIST SPOTLIGHT:
BEACHGHOST

We’re huge fans of your work and are so excited to feature you on our DARKNET blog. Tell us a little about yourself and how long you’ve been creating art.

I grew up on the coast of Victoria, Australia in the '90s. I’ve been making art since I can remember, no matter how small. It’s always been a part of my life. When I wasn’t surfing, watching TV or playing video games, I was most likely drawing.

How would you describe the style of your work and where do you draw your inspiration from?

If I had to put a label on it, I’d describe it as Ukiyo-e retro anime aesthetic. I really love the look and vibe of anime from the '80s and '90s, nostalgia plays a big part in what inspires my work. I’m a big fan of the Japanese art movement Ukiyo-e. I look to folklore and mythology for inspiration when crafting narratives that inform my artwork.

Tell us more about your artistic process. How do you go from rough idea to finished piece? What kind of materials do you use?

Recently, I have been really enjoying working in watercolour. First I come up with a concept, an idea of what I want to visualise. This might be fan art, something inspired by folklore, science fiction or a more abstract idea like a vibe or feeling. I sketch a lot whilst looking at references until I have a composition that I like. With pencil, I then lay down the foundation of my image on watercolour paper. I ink over the pencil with fine liner pen and erase the graphite. Then, I color the image using watercolor paint.

We love the nostalgic pop-culture references your art touches on! Are there any particular movies/series/video games closest to your heart?

I’m a big fan of media from the '90s, growing up in that decade I was exposed to a lot of stuff that formed the basis for my taste in art and entertainment. My Game Boy Color was my gateway to the world of Japanese pop culture. Pokémon, Dragon Ball Z, and Digimon were early favorites. Films like Akira, Ghost In The Shell and most of the Studio Ghibli films come to mind when I look for inspiration for my works aesthetic.

Can you tell us a little about any pieces or projects that you’re working on at the moment?

I’m preparing to start working on an exhibition that will be held in Melbourne, Australia. I don’t have much else to share about this project. I’m hoping to experiment with animation too. 2021 will be a very busy and productive year for my art practice.

If you weren’t an artist, what would be your ultimate dream job?

I’d say something that involves nature. Working for a national park would be really cool. I like to be in nature and that gets overshadowed by my art practice. If I couldn’t pursue art, I’d probably want to be working as a nature conservation officer.

What advice would you give to aspiring artists looking to pursue art at a professional level? What’s something you wish you could tell your younger self?

Try not to compare yourself to other artists. Take inspiration from artists whose work you find a connection with and try to learn from how they approach image making. Compare yourself to only yourself and your previous work. When you notice your work getting closer to what you want to be able to achieve then your momentum will start to increase and you’ll only continue to improve.

✨ BEACHGHOST ✨

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BEGOTTEN: A DISTURBING ONLINE MUSIC MYSTERY PART III

Before we go forward today, make sure you’ve already checked out Part 1 and Part 2 of this story so you’re all caught up. With that being said, let’s begin the end, a conclusion to all the madness.

In 2017, a series of limited conversations between an unknown music producer and a record label owner would lead to the upload of six disturbing albums, each including their own unique set of tragic poems, blocks of confusing Chinese texts, mysterious music videos and paragraphs that recite the label owners experience with this unknown music producer, a producer with a worrisome story that seemed to get all the more real as time went by.

This notorious producer is known as b e g o t t e n 自杀, and as we’ve learned in Part 1 and Part 2, the first four releases from b e g o t t e n 自杀, and the mysterious events between them and the label owner who gave their releases a home, Dennis of Geometric Lullaby, are...pretty interesting…to put it lightly.

In a span of seven months, Dennis released the first four albums b e g o t t e n 自杀 sent to him on Geometric Lullaby. With each upload onto Bandcamp, Dennis would go into detail about his experiences and communications between himself and the unidentifiable producer at that time. I expect you’ve already checked out the first two parts of this series, so I don’t find it necessary to go over everything again, plus I know you want to get right to the big question: who is b e g o t t e n 自杀?

I’ve been along this journey with you as well as I’ve made sure to keep myself from reading the full story until I fully finished creating Parts 1 through 3. I thought doing so would be more of a genuine way to go about documenting the story of b e g o t t e n 自杀 over time, plus it would be more fun for me as well. It’s been giving me something to look forward to with each installment, so trust me...I am so beyond excited to finally crack this case and hopefully get to the bottom of it all as well.

The b e g o t t e n 自杀 Halloween Mixtape [October 14th, 2019 / GEO - SP10]

So before we get into the 5th and 6th albums, the two final releases from the b e g o t t e n 自杀 series and what ended up happening in the saga of events between b e g o t t e n 自杀 and Dennis, I think it would be really fun to talk about this thing: the b e g o t t e n 自杀 - (Halloween Mixtape)

Not only would it be fun to talk about, but it’s also pretty important. b e g o t t e n 自杀 , and the story of b e g o t t e n 自杀 , has become sort of legend in the Vaporwave scene...there is no doubt about that. With all of the mysterious uploads Bandcamp has for us waiting to discover, the b e g o t t e n 自杀 releases are easily some of the most interesting and darkest material to dive into and the b e g o t t e n 自杀 - (Halloween Mixtape) showcases the fascination not only from the fans, but from fellow artists and producers as well.

This thing is massive...20 tracks from some serious heavy hitters: Hantasi, 猫 シ Corp., MindSpring Memories, desert sand feels warm at night, just to name a small handful. And some of these tracks are hella long, MindSpring Memories remix of (invisible) - 无形 clocking in at over 10 minutes and 異星人’s remix of (love) - 真愛 hits the 12 minute mark.

What also makes this mixtape so much fun and such an incredible service to b e g o t t e n 自杀 is that each artist brings their own flair and signature sound to the table, but at the same time they still pay respects to that b e g o t t e n 自杀 mood. Signalwave legend S p o r t 3 0 0 0 and his jolting take on (longing) - 渴望 brings in an element of experimental and space-exploration-esque synth work, all while still laying it on top of that classic, ominous b e g o t t e n 自杀 drone. We even have the thunder from down under, A Future Funk titan: TUPPERWAVE is even on this thing, giving (aquamarine) - 蓝晶 a sort  lo-fi hip hop treatment. He keeps the entire track feeling like it’s submerged in this sink full of ice cold water, a well done little tune and gives a great take on the  b e g o t t e n 自杀 sound in just over a minutes worth of your time. And w i n t e r q u i l t 愛が止ま’s remix of (ghost) - 鬼白 ?! I ain’t even gonna say anything…I’ll just let you listen to that one for yourself.

Dennis also got in on the fun as well, providing mastering for a handful of the tracks on here. The mixtape dropped seven months after the final release in the b e g o t t e n 自杀 series (new aura) - 新时代 (which we will obviously get to in just a bit, get ya seatbelts on!) and this mixtape was the perfect treat for the Halloween season in October of 2019. The album dropped alongside that mouthwatering Ghoul and Ghost box set, a limited collector's edition release dropped by Geometric Lullaby that contains every b e g o t t e n 自杀 album, including the Halloween mixtape, and was such a delightful way to pay homage to the entirety of the b e g o t t e n 自杀 story.

But now, it’s finally time to return back to where we left off. Let’s rewind it back a year earlier: October of 2018. b e g o t t e n 自杀’s 4th album, (happy anniversary) - 周年快乐, had just made its way onto the Geometric Lullaby catalogue, and around this time, the relationship between b e g o t t e n 自杀 and Dennis almost seemed sort of finalized… but was it really though?

Before that 4th release, just to quickly recap, Dennis had finally received an email from b e g o t t e n 自杀 after such a long time of hearing nothing back from them at all. Dennis wondered if they were seeing the albums on Geometric Lullaby, the reception and how the albums quickly formed a cult following. Dennis had no feedback from b e g o t t e n 自杀, which was unfortunate to him because all he wanted to know was what they thought of the releases.

The email Dennis received at the time of the 4th upload was short and simple:

"Thank you. I am still alive. I am okay for now."

Short, simple, sweet, and just enough to crack a smile on Dennis’ face. Despite its seemingly conclusive nature, Dennis wanted to take a couple of weeks to figure out how he wanted to respond and how he wanted to say it. He promised those who visited the Bandcamp page for (happy anniversary) - 周年快乐 that he would keep them updated on the situation.

b e g o t t e n 自杀’s 5th album: (forgive and forget) - 原谅和忘记 [December 24th, 2018 / GEO - 025]

Forgive and forget stands out to me for many reasons. I would say that this is the most melodic and romantic sounding of the begotten series. It uses mostly a different language so the words themselves are impossible for me to understand, but the sound of the music does all of the work with this one. Somehow, Begotten still manages that eerie feeling, a pit in your stomach, just a seed of something...off as you listen to this record. 

Dennis of Geometric Lullaby

After b e g o t t e n 自杀 had thanked Dennis in his quick email, Dennis was very grateful to at least hear anything at all. After a couple of weeks, Dennis emailed b e g o t t e n 自杀 back and thanked them for the submission and their music. He explained that people were enjoying the releases and that they, b e g o t t e n 自杀, should be proud.

The email back would spring up a conversation. While Dennis was not given any details about this person's whereabouts or who they actually were, they began describing to him the intense mental illness that they lived with. Dennis notes on his Bandcamp that he actually holds a degree in psychology, so he understood plenty of what they explained.

But something (like most things involving this artist) seemed odd. As Dennis would receive more emails, he was starting to get a feeling that he was not actually speaking with b e g o t t e n 自杀 directly. It seemed as if he was messaging someone who spoke for them. A caretaker perhaps? They spoke as though they'd studied the human psyche in depth and really knew the deepest feelings of b e g o t t e n 自杀…but it just wasn't them.

All of this was happening after the 4th release obviously and before the 5th release was put out on Geometric Lullaby. Dennis was in Europe at the time with his band on tour through Germany, admitting he was a bit distracted at the time due to the shows. A bit of time would pass without Dennis answering b e g o t t e n 自杀 (due to lack of WIFI and general busy-ness) and when he figured out how he would ask if it was someone speaking on b e g o t t e n 自杀’s behalf... 

He received one of the most disturbing emails yet.

For the sake of discretion, I am leaving it up to you if you would like to see the text of that email. On the Bandcamp page for (forgive and forget) - 原谅和忘记, that email is there, just be advised it is pretty morbid.

Along with this email, however, there was also an attachment labeled "me"

It was a video.

Dennis has yet to figure out what the video means, who it is, or what is going on in it. He uploaded the video to YouTube as an unlisted link through his Bandcamp page. If you click the link there, you will be able to check it out.

Dennis wasn’t sure if what was attached was some staged, fake video. Was it taken from a movie or tv show or even another YouTube video? He asks that if anyone recognizes it, let him know. The sound is unrecognizable, as is the individual in the video.

With this latest, intense email from b e g o t t e n 自杀, Dennis was once again going to take some time to figure out his next move. As time had past since (happy anniversary) - 周年快乐, Dennis thought now would be a good time to release the next album in the lineup given to him from the original b e g o t t e n 自杀 email as he once again found himself in a situation of email chess.

Released on Christmas Eve, (forgive and forget) - 原谅和忘记 would be Geometric Lullaby’s last gift for 2018. The release would contain nine tracks that all begin with “un” (except the bonus track).

1. (unprepared) - 措手不及

2. (unraveling) - 解开

3. (understanding) - 理解

4. (unfortunate) - 不幸的 

5. (unending) - 无止境

6. (unconditional) - 无条件的

7. (undeserving) - 不值得

8. (unless...) - 除非…

9. (bonus track) - 同情

This is one of my favorite b e g o t t e n 自杀 releases, an extremely emotional blend of wonderful vocal sample selections melted with a heavy pouring of warm production on top. That smoky b e g o t t e n 自杀 texture is at an all time high on here, the reverb and fogginess that lays over track 3, (understanding) - 理解, is like hot fudge melting through sweet vanilla ice cream. Track number seven, (undeserving) - 不值得, features the pendulum of a beautifully tragic crying vocal loop on one side with a lonely and distant horn sample on the other. And in the middle? An ice cold blast of trap percussion, that heavy hitting hi hat frenzy is a brilliant surprise and provides some stellar contrast to the lost mood in the majority of the track.

I think “lost” is a good word to describe this album, it feels as if you’re in a virtual world of wireframe-filled hallways. Everything is black besides the thin purple lines that make up all of the wireframes. Track number five is a great example of this, (unending) - 无止境, that constant echo effect used on the claps and other instrumentals really feel as if this thing is large and, like the name of the track, never ending. 

Unlike most releases that b e g o t t e n 自杀 sent over in that original email, (forgive and forget) - 原谅和忘记 would only feature one music video instead of the usual two. This music video came with track six, (unconditional) - 无条件的. And, who would’ve guessed it, more skeletons. This time though, maybe the cruddiest quality footage yet, the barely visible and barely working video is more like a collection of photos instead of a smooth flowing video. We’re simply given a skeleton dancing around, breaking down and building itself back up, all before breaking down one last time before the video ends.

Here was the poem given with this release:

Can I recognize feelings?

Can I sense that they're there?

Has all gone to numbness?

In place of despair?

 

I can ask for forgiveness

But I know it will never come

I can wait until you forget

But there's no ridding of what's been done

A quote was also given along with the poem that read:

Tell me why...

As with all of the other albums, a series of Chinese text was also sent along with (forgive and forget) - 原谅和忘记.

The album’s sound is in pretty heavy contrast compared to the vibes of the track list, poems, Chinese texts, and messages at the time from b e g o t t e n 自杀 (or as Dennis believed, a person talking on their behalf). I kind of see the whole thing as putting on a face, while on the inside you can feel completely different. It’s something we’ve seen come up time and time again with cases of severe mental illness, a person seeming happy and friendly on the outside while something is eating away at them on the inside.

The album hides away it’s thoughts and feelings through sound. The music given to us from b e g o t t e n 自杀 is a mask.

b e g o t t e n 自杀’s final album: (new aura) - 新时代 [March 25th, 2019 / GEO - 030]

A void is all that's left

No sanity to be found

I've lost my mind in the process

I can't distinguish any sounds

 

When there's nothing to live for

And you truly are at your last

You hate yourself thoroughly

Solely dwell on the past

 

A new you starts emerging

Something different, something clean

Something desperate for anything

Other than a dream

 

But dreams are what I have

They beckon me with demand

Let's hope my dreams never come true

For if they do, you'll know exactly who I am."

This was the last and final poem sent to Dennis from b e g o t t e n 自杀, this of course coming along with the 6th album: (new aura) - 新时代.

I knew this time would come. I had been waiting for it ever since releasing the very first begotten cassette, and I must say, it is bittersweet. I am honored be have been chosen by this artist to present their work to the world. I am glad that so many have listened and enjoyed what they've created. While I know it is not for everyone, I personally find each album as something special. But you probably already know that by now.

Dennis of Geometric Lullaby

(new aura) - 新时代 may be the most experimental release of the saga, and it seems fitting as this chaotic journey only seemed to get more and more bizarre along the way. It’s as if the mask from the fifth album was ripped off and b e g o t t e n 自杀’s thoughts, feelings and emotions scattered into a thousand different directions, with no destination in sight.

The album pushes far the abstract and spacious sounds of darkness. (new aura) - 新时代 plays with texture even more than the others, tracks like (distill) - 蒸馏 are straight up broken. Take the echo effects of the track we mentioned in the previous album, (unending) - 无止境, and turn it up to a hundred. Everything is crumbling...instrumentals stepping on top of one another...a stampede of muddy sounds. However, towards the end, the only thing we are left with that is tangible is that eerie, unsettling howling that’s laid over the congested mess of sounds. We see the same thing with track number ten, (connectivity) - 连接, which all feels like a Missingno. Version of a Mallsoft track, but once again that horrifying vocal comes back in to remind us of b e g o t t e n 自杀’s world.

It’s kind of like the same thing that happened in The Caretaker’s Everywhere at the End of Time, the final album in that series being the most broken and decayed release yet. Also, both projects have six releases in them…Kind of interesting to note.

To Dennis, (new aura) - 新时代 gives him feelings of other-worldliness, caverns, alien-like vibes, and pure insanity. The album feels like an emotion we can’t fathom, only something that the set, specific person it’s coming from, would understand.

The album is one of the longer releases in the b e g o t t e n 自杀 catalogue, 14 tracks which clock in at just under a half an hour.

Here was the Chinese text that was provided by b e g o t t e n 自杀 for this release:

“如果没有不死技术，我将在未来35年内死亡，”他感叹。死亡是不可避免的 - 目前至少是因为随着年龄的增长，构成我们身体的细胞失去了自我修复的能力，使我们容易受到心血管疾病和其他与年龄相关的大约三分之二的病症的伤害。

“我的计划的最终目标是将某人的个性转变成一个全新的机构，”

“那么那么你可以说这样的人是有远见的，但不是生气，因为这意味着你想到的东西是不可能的，事实并非如此."

When translated, we find a detailed discussion on death, which leads into human transformation. It is also a bit confusing towards the end, which I’m sure is just Google Translate being Google Translate.

This time however, no music videos were given at all. When I saw that there was none for the first time, I was a bit surprised. With a handful of videos in previous album releases, I was pretty sure there would be at least one that may answer some questions or give some closure to everything we’ve been through with b e g o t t e n 自杀. But nope, just 14 tracks.

I think this was a good move though and kind of wraps up with the ending of the whole Dennis / b e g o t t e n 自杀 saga quite well…

Upon the release of (new aura) - 新时代, Dennis was saddened that this would be the final piece. He knew not whether the world would ever see another album from begotten, but he did not want to dwell on it being over. Dennis would’ve rather dwelled on the emotion and satisfaction that this music would provide.

If you remember when Dennis released the 4th album, he stated that he had actually received another email from b e g o t t e n 自杀 thanking him for doing their releases. At the time, he couldn't think of what he wanted to say in return, and Dennis admits on the Bandcamp page for (new aura) - 新时代 that he kind of just rushed a reply in the end asking who they were and some other personal questions. It wasn't until several weeks later after all of the emails that he received an answer to his questions. It read:

"Do you really want to know who I am?"

At first, Dennis was a little mad at this response:

Why would I ask if I wasn't sure that I wanted to know who they were? But when I opened a reply email and began to type, I stopped myself. Did I really want to know? Would I be able to appreciate the music all the same if I knew the name of the person behind it all? Would it change anything?

Dennis of Geometric Lullaby

Dennis would take a few days to consider this, he knew he did not want to rush it. Whoever b e g o t t e n 自杀 was, they had trusted him with their expression. They had trusted him with their art. Dennis recalls saying:

Would it be disrespectful to say that, yes, in fact, I really wanted to know who they were? These things weighed heavily on my mind and I started to feel anxious about the entire situation. I stopped eating. I started sleeping longer each day and I began to have vivid dreams. It was impossible to tell how connected (or not) that all of this was to b e g o t t e n 自杀.

Dennis of Geometric Lullaby

In the end, after countless hours of balancing options in his head like placing coins on the plates of a scale, Dennis had finally come to a decision. He opened up an email with confidence and hit reply. In the body of the email, he simply wrote:

"You are begotten and that is all that matters to me. Thank you for trusting me."

He hit send and smiled. He then played the entire discography from beginning to end, closing his eyes and allowing it all to take him away.

Dennis no longer checked his email, constantly refreshing in hopes of a message. He had finally found the closure he had been looking for. It was never about the person behind the music, but the feeling, emotion, and atmosphere. It was about the realms to which it brought him, allowing Dennis to escape his own life, if even for a moment. he could finally fully enjoy what he had been given.

Dennis was finally at peace.

The tale of b e g o t t e n 自杀, and Dennis’ experience with the producer, is a tale we all go through in this day and age with music. I know for myself and many others who are heavily involved in the Vaporwave scene and community, there is a lot of music we love and adore from people we simply do not know. As our scene in particular has gotten closer in these past couple of years, with live shows and online shows and what not, there was a time when everything was a bit more unknown. Artists’ and aliases being able to paint even more vivid imaginations in your head of who they were and what they were all about. It’s easy to fall in love with narratives given with albums, artwork that helps you get to that set place and time the album seems like it would be in. But beyond the stories, beyond the settings, the most important thing will always be the music, the sounds, which can always be experienced bare of any context.

Nothing crazy happened in the end between Dennis and b e g o t t e n 自杀, Dennis was given this package of digital albums and just did what he thought was best with them. He never was able to find out if everything was a hoax or if this person was who they seemed to be. And in the end, he had the option to potentially figure it all out, but to Dennis, the music just seemed to be more important. Plain and simple.

Today, b e g o t t e n 自杀 is still listened to by many throughout the internet, some claiming the mysterious producer to be their favorite Vaporwave artist of all time.

But, what about our question: is b e g o t t e n 自杀 real? Fake? Is Dennis b e g o t t e n 自杀?

You know what, I’ll let you do your own digging on that one. Sometimes a mystery is best kept a mystery, but as always, it’s always up to you, my friend.

Although I really do wonder…who was in that car in the graveyard?

If you haven’t listened to the b e g o t t e n 自杀 releases yet, I highly recommend doing so, the music is so rich with or without the pairing of the b e g o t t e n 自杀 story. Thank you for joining me on this wild ride, and until next time…

Much love,

ur boi,

Pad Chennington

Also known as "Youtube's Vaporwave Valedictorian", Pad Chennington is a content creator who has created a substantial following on YouTube for his videos discussing all things Vaporwave. Starting in the Fall of 2017, Pad's videos range from reviews to breakdowns, interviews to unboxings, and much more, always revolving around odd and interesting music genres found throughout the internet. Pad has also recently released an album in February titled "CONTRAST", available as a free download via the My Pet Flamingo label.

How to Set New Year’s Resolutions You’ll Actually Stick To

New year, new me!

That’s probably how 2020 started for all of us… and 2019… and 2018. We’ve all gotten caught up in the hype of the new year and have probably all come up with new goals for the coming year. After all, January 1st is a fresh start at least in terms of the calendar so...why not let it be a fresh start for us too?

We’ve all been there and we all know what comes after the goals are set.

At first you have boundless enthusiasm. Monday morning comes around and the meals for the week are prepped already with every single calorie accounted for. You’re up and out the door at 5 a.m. and heading to the gym. You’ve decided you won’t mentally curse your boss out and you're practicing 10 minutes of meditation per day.

You feel amazing.

Then Tuesday comes and all of that enthusiasm is still there. By day three, things start to get dicey. You’re on your way home to meditate, fully worked out and In-N-Out starts sounding reallly good. The next morning you’re already sore from your last two days in the gym and it’s cold out, so the gym doesn’t seem quite so appealing.

At this point, you’re lucky to make it to day eight, far less actually achieve long-lasting change. So, how do you pull it off then? How can you actually make this year your year? In this article, we’ll be exploring a few strategies that you can use to set the best goals possible and see them all the way through to the end.

Always Set Measurable Goals

S.M.A.R.T. goals have become a bit of a cliché but there’s good reason to repeat the basic principles of effective goal setting. Setting goals the right way is a big part of seeing them through to the end. Let’s start breaking down the acronym and see how it can be beneficial.

Specificity

You want to begin taking a general desire you have and forming it into a sentence that achieves a specific end. For example, “losing weight” isn’t a great phrase to build a goal around. It could mean anything and doesn’t generate the emotional power necessary to get you started.

Specificity in our goal statements takes us out of the realm of possibility and into the realm of probability. You don’t have to be particularly technical about how you measure your particular goal. Meaning, if your desire is to lose weight and you’re aiming to fit into an old pair of pants, that desire is already pretty specific, since it’s a definite objective.

Specificity makes your goal far more relatable and allows you to envision something specifically. Don’t believe me? Compare the feeling of “being rich” to the feeling to the feeling of “making $200,000 by December 31st, 2021”

Right now, I bet you’ve already started thinking specifically about how you’ll spend $200,000. You have a number of months in mind it’d carry you, maybe a specific debt or two you’d cover, changes to your car, a new computer, a shopping spree, and so on.

Even after all of that’s taken away, you probably have an idea of how much you’d have left over afterward. That’s the power of a specific financial goal and the power of adding specificity to any goal. Sure, it probably feels amazing to sit and imagine a powerful wealth goal and that’s healthy and productive, but specificity adds a touch of reality to your goal. This will go a long way toward helping you take and maintain specific actions.

Measurability

Once you have a specific goal, you’ll need to ensure that you can also track your progress. Measurability is key to a long-term goal. Yeah, yeah. I know. You’ve heard the cliché from every Tony Robbins and Gary Vee video on YouTube but it’s a fundamental truth.

You see, the makeup of our brains predisposes us to pursuing short-term pleasures over long-term things. Most of the time it's because we’re given a quick and powerful hit of dopamine when we do something “fun” or enjoyable.

Long-term pursuits like New Year’s resolutions don’t trigger that dopamine rush as easily as simple things like scrolling your Facebook feed or eating Hot Cheetos. Which is where being able to measure your goals comes in handy. You see, the reason you’re compelled to keep scrolling Facebook or keep eating Hot Cheetos is because your dopamine system keeps giving you little rushes.

Given that long-term goals take a while to show up, the initial high you get from starting out on your pursuit will eventually wear down. Soon you’ll find yourself unmotivated and giving all of your old habits a second glance. Make a commitment to yourself to measure your progress at regular intervals.

Break your one large goal into several mini-goals that you can measure.

If you’re aiming to run a mile in five minutes but your current best is ten minutes, try to beat your previous best by 10-20 seconds each week. That doesn’t mean you go all out in every single run, but at least once a week, you go for it. If your goal is to lose 40 pounds, start with a half of a pound a week and make sure to measure. Seeing results regularly will help you get that dopamine surge and stay motivated for the long-term. Half of a pound a week may not seem like much to lose and it may take a while to see the results anywhere else but the scale, but having a weekly goal that small has its advantages, which we’ll cover in the next section.

Attainability

Setting a massive goal is an admirable thing and often, it can be a key to getting us started and off our butts. Massive goals often result in permanent or long-term life transformation. However, they’re also the type of goal that we fail to follow through on most often.

Massive goals can strongly challenge our sense of self. As we progress toward achieving them, many people come up against obstacles that seem to say you’re not good enough to achieve them. Having set out to lose 50 pounds in 15 weeks, the stress of losing the first five in week one can make anyone think it's impossible to make it all the way through. Having a goal that’s attainable matters so much.

I’m by no means suggesting you "dumb down" your goals to something impossible to fail. Set your goal in a way that’s challenging to reach, but not so much that it becomes intimidating to do.

Relatability

Relatability usually goes without saying. It’s really rare that a person would choose a goal that’s completely unrelated to them. But for the sake of argument, I’d advise against choosing a goal that’s truly unrelatable to you or your circumstance right now. For instance, unless you have access to a beach and a surfboard, don’t make learning to surf a priority this year. Instead, consider something like long boarding or skateboarding that you can do in any environment.

If you’ve moved into a work from home position, consider learning an instrument or doing that online Graphic design course you’ve always wanted to start.

Time Bound

Finally, always put a date to your goal. Bearing a specific time frame in mind is another way to keep your motivation high as time goes by. In addition to measuring your results at regular intervals, specific dates add a manageable level of pressure to your efforts.

In the pursuit of a new goal, it's natural to have weeks that are up and down. You’re not perfect nor should you endeavor to be. As you see yourself progressing toward your end date, you’ll know whether or not you’ll need to step things up a bit in order to stay on track. Keeping time in mind gives you an extra source of motivation to bounce back from days or weeks where you didn’t do everything you could to succeed.

Making a Habit Stick: How I Learned to Like Cardio by Copying Firas Zahabi

This touches on attainability once more, but on a more practical level.

I’m a beefy dude physically. It's mostly muscle, since I have a thicc frame, but I definitely put on a few extra during 2019 and that carried over into 2020. To start the year off, I decided that I wanted to get back into at least reasonable shape cardio-wise.

I’ve always been into lifting, but outside of sports, I hated cardio. The only things that could get me running was the fear of my coach and my desire to win. Outside of that you’d never catch me just running for the sake of being healthy.

Because I’m older now and the ongoing health situation, playing rugby or basketball again was pretty much out of the question. So, I had to learn to love running.

I approached this by applying a method I once heard Firas Zahabi discussing on a podcast with Joe Rogan. Zahabi is a mixed martial arts coach and physical trainer who has trained world champions like Georges St. Pierre. He emphasized that one of the reasons European fighters would so often dominate American fighters had to do with the European focus on consistency over intensity.

You see, American wrestlers would tend to go in for training a few times a week for a few hours at a time but go all out every time. Once they leave the gym, they are exhausted and need time to recover before the next session. On average, they spend time in the gym probably three times a week.

European wrestlers, however, would often spend hours upon hours training, but never go to the point of absolute exhaustion. Doing so allowed them to recover extremely quickly which meant that they could be in the gym every single day.

Over time, this effect adds up to a startling gap in the amount of time invested between European and US wrestlers. I applied a similar philosophy when I started learning to enjoy cardio. I would deliberately only push myself to the point where I just barely became uncomfortable running. Once I got uncomfortable, I’d take a break and walk for a bit while I recovered.

Once I felt good enough to run again, I would. I’d repeat this process only up until the point that I felt I’d completely had enough.

Taking this ultra-low intensity approach is very slow at first, but it minimizes the “effort hurdle” we face each day when it comes to taking action on our goals. If you know you’re only going to do as much as you’re comfortable doing, it's easy to get started.

Once you get started 21 days in a row, you now have a habit and thanks to your body’s remarkable capability to adapt to stress, you’ll naturally start running longer and longer. I’ve personally gone from running for 60 seconds at a time to running for up to 9 minutes unphased in under 6 months.

The point is, you don’t have to get started with a huge chunk all at once. Do what you’re comfortable doing just up until it becomes uncomfortable. But, make sure you get back at it the next day.

The Power of Visualization

Equally cliché but just as useful as our starting acronym is the power of visualization. In a very real way, your mind has the potential to be limitless. If we think of everything, we can perceive with our five physical senses as information, then your mind already has access to potentially infinite information.

Now of course I’m not saying you have an entire dictionary of words at the tip of your fingers, but if I were to tell you to imagine a Rottweiler puppy, chances are your mind can conjure up the image, despite no puppy being present.

Yeah, it sounds wild but just roll with it for now.

The thing is, visualization can work on a number of levels and you can take whichever level you feel the most comfortable with and roll with it.

For now, try putting yourself mentally where you would be should you achieve your new goal or goals. Who are you talking to? Where are you standing or sitting? What does your room look like? Are you enjoying a cup of coffee? Are you cuddling with your significant other? What emotions do you embody?

Wherever you find yourself going mentally, do so in first person and really focus deeply on the emotions and sensations you feel. It’s more important that the emotional content of your mental scene is relatable than it is intense. Let it be as natural as possible.

What’s the point?

Well, if you’re a little bit on the esoteric side (like I obviously am), you can probably already guess where I’m going with this. However, it must be said that our minds have the power to shape the realities around us.

Even if you want to skip the esoteric and focus only on the literal applications of this principle, then during those times when you’re feeling down or unmotivated, go back to your mental scene. Doing so will get your fire lit once more and you’ll find the strength to give it your all.

As for the more esoteric of us, experiencing something in imagination is the way reality is made. No matter which success guru you listen to or follow on social media, they all encourage and make use of this practice themselves. Is it a coincidence that so many of them achieve their goals?

The point isn’t necessarily only to visualize, you can feel free to use your imagination in whatever way you’re the most comfortable with. If you’re really good at hearing a hearty congratulations, then go for it! If your thing is tasting the champagne you’ll be sharing with friends after you’ve found success, do that!

BEGOTTEN:
A Disturbing Online Music Mystery Part II

If you haven’t checked out Part I of this story yet, please make sure you do so before reading this article. For those who are ready to continue, sit tight and get cozy because this is where the story of b e g o t t e n 自杀 really begins to fall off the rails.

In 2017, a series of limited conversations between an unknown music producer and a record label owner would lead to the upload of six disturbing albums, each including their own unique set of tragic poems, blocks of confusing Chinese texts, mysterious music videos and paragraphs that recite the label owner's experience with this unknown music producer, a producer with a worrisome story that seemed to get all the more real as time went by.

The producer in question here is known as b e g o t t e n 自杀, and as you’ve learned in my previous video, their infamous musical work and strange relationship with the label owner of Geometric Lullaby, Dennis, has piqued the minds of thousands to this very day. From the moment b e g o t t e n 自杀’s work went live on Geometric Lullaby’s page, it was easy to see how this artist was going to strike a chord in music goers who crave the stranger side of things. A cryptic story? Check. An unknown origin and inconceivable reasoning behind it all? Check. Good music? Check as well.

b e g o t t e n 自杀’s entire vibe, this blend of uncanniness, romance, horror, and undeniable tragedy all tied in a pretty bow with this low-res and distorted aesthetic is the perfect dose for the dark side of the music world.

In Part I of this series, we dove into b e g o t t e n 自杀’s first two albums and the events that happened between the strange producer and Dennis. To save time, I’m going to assume you’ve already checked out Part I. With that being said, I just want to get right into it all today. There is a lot to unpack with the story of b e g o t t e n 自杀, so I want to waste no time jumping right back into the deep end.

I hope you're ready, because there’s no going back now. Cheers.

b e g o t t e n 自杀’s third album: (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗篇

[July 23rd, 2018 / GEO - 015]

On the 23rd of July, 2018, Geometric Lullaby would unleash b e g o t t e n 自杀’s third album on the label, (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗篇. Considered by many to be the darkest and lowest point of b e g o t t e n 自杀’s career, (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗篇 spends a majority of its time intoxicating you with these hazy vocals and washy synths, a sound replicating the viscosity of syrup or honey as they slowly pour into your ears like a heavy fog, gradually filling up the space inside your head. (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗篇 is a hypnotizing pendulum, laughing gas for your ears as they become nothing but vulnerable entrances to b e g o t t e n 自杀’s dastardly deeds. If b e g o t t e n 自杀’s previous album (hushwave) - 治愈它 was the light and airy side of the producer, then (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗篇 breaks up the crowd as a heavy, slow moving, hulking counterpart. They are the sounds of a mad person; someone who had gone off the deep end.

“From the onset of the very first track, my heart felt like it had a weight pressing into it. Like sleep paralysis, I was terrified and yet my body completely relaxed. From the choice of chords and textures of the samples down to the lyrics, this album hits me probably most hard of all the b e g o t t e n 自杀 releases.”

Dennis, Owner of Geometric Lullaby

In my previous video, we last left off with Dennis’ trying to figure out what he should do with the mysterious package he received from b e g o t t e n 自杀. The strange envelope sent to him contained a single card that read "You're Invited" in big cursive letters. Below, there looked to be a fingerprint in red ink, or possibly blood. An address in Georgia, USA was also given on the card, and at the bottom was a scratchy b e g o t t e n 自杀 signature.

After some research and digging, he found that the address on the outer envelope was traced to a mental institution in Georgia while the address scribbled on the “You’re Invited” card on the inside of the envelope led him to a small graveyard with several mausoleums in central Georgia.

Dennis didn’t know if they should have the red ink, or what seemed to be blood, tested for DNA. He wondered if he should go to either of the addresses in Georgia. Or, possibly try and find someone to go there for him since he lived in a completely different state. His mind was flooded with questions.

Between the release of (hushwave) - 治愈它 and (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗篇, Dennis never received any further communication from b e g o t t e n 自杀, ultimately causing him to have to personally investigate the item he had gotten in the mail further.

This is what happened.

Dennis was able to eventually get in contact with a good friend who lived in the area of the Georgia addresses given to him, the friend actually took the time to find the address when Dennis reached out and agreed to scope out the place as the friend became just as interested as Dennis was.

When the friend FaceTimed Dennis upon their arrival, Dennis would see that they were in the middle of a beautiful graveyard, stones and trees engulfing the entirety of the background. They informed Dennis that they couldn't find anything that stuck out out of the ordinary, but Dennis asked them to just look a little bit longer since they had already gone through all that trouble to get there. This was Dennis’ first, and possibly last shot, at attempting to see if all of this b e g o t t e n 自杀 chaos was for real or just a hoax, so he knew he had to take advantage of the opportunity.

His friend was alone and the connection wasn't the greatest, but they ended up agreeing with Dennis’ request. As the sun began to set, they walked along each line of headstones and showed Dennis everything they could see. Dennis watched from his office, focusing on everything that was coming his way, all while wishing he could have just made the trip himself.

As time went by, the friend kept telling Dennis that it was just a simple graveyard and whoever was doing this to him was most likely just messing with him, but Dennis didn't want to believe it. He wanted something to happen.

"Just keep going. Walk through the whole thing," Dennis recalls telling his friend. And so he did, with Dennis wishing he had just one more email or anything else at all to help explain the letter and the reasoning behind the odd request for his friend, but he really had nothing to go off of besides what little b e g o t t e n 自杀 provided him with, and most of all, his own personal curiosity.

His friend reached the last row of gravestones and…they found absolutely nothing. But when his friend turned the camera to leave, Dennis spotted something.

"What was that?" Dennis yelled, nearly spilling his drink.

"I don't see anything, I..."

"No, on the road!"

Behind Dennis’ friend, on the only road path that led into the cemetery was an all black car. Dennis swore it hadn't been there before and he knew it definitely wasn't his friend's vehicle.

His friend’s face fell from a joking and light expression to fear. He hadn't noticed that car before either.

"I'm not going anywhere near that!" his friend told him.

Dennis begged his friend to talk to them, maybe knock on the window or at least wave, but his friend refused. The car didn't move and the windows were tinted so dark that it was impossible to see if anyone was inside.

And of course, by luck, the connection started to lose quality and the picture became blurry. The black of the car smudged the screen, mixed with the greens and greys, all painting the screen with its bad connection.

Next, the audio began to cut in and out. Dennis only got one more flash of something distinguishable before it completely disconnected. He couldn't tell if his friend was smiling or screaming. The still frame left him anxious and worried.

Dennis would try calling the friend over the next few days and it seemed that his phone was off or had no connection at all. A week would pass with these attempts by Dennis, which only led to a shocking discovery: the number had suddenly been disconnected completely. Any form of contact with the friend seemed hopeless at this point as Dennis would also discover that his Facebook account was deleted as well. Dennis called the local police station and gave them all the information he had regarding b e g o t t e n 自杀, the emails, the addresses, the situation with his friend, and the odd FaceTime call at the graveyard. Then, not three days later, Dennis would get a call.

It was his friend.

The friend acted as if nothing had happened all, as if they checked out the graveyard and there was nothing there. Dennis asked about their phone, their time away, not calling Dennis back, why they would suddenly delete their Facebook account, but strangely enough, Dennis’ friend would brush it all off as if Dennis was just making it all up in his head. The friend would tell Dennis that they were just busy and that there must have been a problem with their cell phone provider or service at the graveyard. They also claimed that they had just gotten tired of Facebook so they wanted to delete it for a while. A bit too coincidental as you can probably tell.

At this point, Dennis didn't know what to think. He knew the only other place he could get a clue from was from the other address he received: the one for the mental institution. He decided to ask his friend again to see if somehow, possibly, he would be willing to go check out that spot as well for him, but the friend said that he was busy.

Dennis’ friend hasn't contacted him since that follow-up phone call, nor has b e g o t t e n 自杀 as mentioned earlier. Summer of 2018 came and Dennis decided at this point, it was best to just release the next album in the b e g o t t e n 自杀 series, (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗篇. Maybe making this release go public would draw b e g o t t e n 自杀’s attention back in to the label owner who was constantly craving any sort of communication. As the release ran its course online, Dennis would spend his time planning on how to figure out more about the mental institution from which the letter he received was addressed. And of course, he would be checking his email, waiting for contact of any kind.

As with all of the previous b e g o t t e n 自杀 albums that were sent to Dennis in that initial email, (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗 would also contain a poem, block of Chinese test, and music videos from the producer to go with it all. Here was the attached poem:

"A ghost is a being sent to remind

A creature of memory, outside of space and time 

It returns with a vengeance, won't leave me alone 

Just as happiness finds me, my honesty is blown 

 

Another year will I last? A decade or two? 

Every day is a curse, but somehow I get through 

A friend is a pawn, a lover the same 

Another piece of my life, just a game 

 

I'll lose soon enough, I'll fall to the rest 

Inside I have lost, I've failed the test 

I deserve to disappear, and be forgotten at last." 

 

"Please, don't touch me...stay away"

Here was the Chinese text that was also sent with this album:

1不是给我们，耶和华，不是给我们，乃是因为你们的爱和信实，就是荣耀。 2为什么国家说：“他们的神在哪里？”3我们的神在天上。他做任何让他喜欢的事情。 4但他们的偶像是银和金，由人的手制成。他们有嘴，但不能说话，眼睛，但看不见。他们有耳朵，但听不到，鼻子，但不能闻到。他们有手，但感觉不到脚，但不能走路，也不能用喉咙发出声音。 8那些造他们的人，就像他们一样，所有信任他们的人也是如此。 9你们所有的以色列人相信耶和华 - 他是他们的帮助和盾牌。 10亚伦家，相信耶和华 - 他是他们的帮助和盾牌。 11敬畏他的，信耶和华 - 他是他们的帮助和盾牌。 12耶和华记念我们，要祝福我们，他将要祝福他的百姓以色列，他将要祝福亚伦的家，13他要保佑那些敬畏耶和华 - 小和大的人。 5月14日，耶和华使你们兴起，无论你和你的孩子。 15愿耶和华，天地的造物者蒙福。 16最高的天属于耶和华，乃属于他给人类的地球。赞美耶和华的，不是沉默的人，不是死人。 18我们现在和永远都是传扬耶和华。赞美耶和华 

1 Not for us, the Lord, not for us, but because of your love and faithfulness, which is glory. 2 Why countries say: "Where is their god?" 3 Our god is in heaven. He does whatever he likes. 4 But their idols are silver and gold, made of human hands. They have mouths, but they can't talk, eyes, but they can't see. They have ears but cannot hear, noses but cannot smell. They have hands, but they cannot feel their feet, but they cannot walk or make sounds through their throats. 8 Those who made them are just like them, so are all those who trust them. 9 All you Israelites believe in the Lord-He is their help and shield. 10 House of Aaron, believe in the Lord-he is their help and shield. 11 Those who fear him, believe in the Lord-he is their help and shield. 12 The Lord remembers us and will bless us. He will bless his people Israel. He will bless the house of Aaron. 13 He will bless those who fear the Lord-small and big. On May 14, the Lord raised you up, regardless of you and your children. 15 Blessed be the Lord, the Creator of heaven and earth. 16 The highest heaven belongs to the Lord, and belongs to the earth he gave to mankind. Praise the Lord is not a silent person, not a dead person. 18 We are preaching the Lord now and forever. Praise the Lord

Music videos for the tracks (disintegrate) - 瓦解 and (neurotic) - 神经质 were also sent from b e g o t t e n 自杀. For (disintegrate) - 瓦解, we are given this extremely low-res black and white footage of a train. It most certainly seems to be security footage slowed down as we can see the individual frames of this train moving its way along the tracks. A figure appears on the tracks, glowing as if the camera detects the heat coming off of their body. Next, the person purposely puts their body in front of the path of the train, and you can guess what happens next. It’s some pretty heavy stuff so please watch at your own discretion when visiting the Bandcamp page for (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗.

The music video for (neurotic) - 神经质 returns to that low-res, VHS quality skeleton footage we’ve seen in previous music videos from b e g o t t e n 自杀. Nothing really happens here as we’re just given this glowing skeleton looking down at the floor in a dark and ominous room. 

For fans of really smooth sample work, all with a creepy undertone and undeniable dark energy, (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗 is 100% for you. Its hopeless cries present in the vocal samples chosen are harrowing. The piano work feels heavier than the world, the drums decayed and beaten, and when all blended together we are served a smoothie that can put an elephant to sleep. (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗 is heavy, strong and emotional; hypnotizing, intoxicating, and alive. This album is best paired with the night time. Happy travels.

b e g o t t e n 自杀’s 4th album: (happy anniversary) - 周年快乐

[October 8th, 2018 / GEO - 020]

If (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗  was the low point, then (happy anniversary) - 周年快乐 serves at the manic counterpart. Talk about a 180 degree turn from our last departure with (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗, (happy anniversary) - 周年快乐 gives us a mirage of okay-ness, a soothing cloak that hastily covers up the darkness we had just previously heard. And this is replicated in the artwork as well: by far the most colorful and bright b e g o t t e n 自杀 cover yet, exciting greens and euphoric blues flood the skull upon every listen. Hustle and bustle vaportrap, soothing guitars maxed out in the reverb department, chimes and jingles sounding like you threw a fluffy pillow at a gigantic, gem-infused chandelier, listening to that wonderful sound as each individual crystal is knocked into the other.

The album also wraps up with four bonus tracks, each with these really fun and hyperactive chop jobs with samples bouncing all over the place, overall, a complete contradiction from the lethargic moods heard previously on (phantom psalms) - 幻影诗.

(happy anniversary) - 周年快乐 and its generally warm sample flips and extremely short run time confuse us from everything we just heard, it’s sporadic and sudden change in tone from the last three albums is just…bizarre.

What is exactly is going on with b e g o t t e n 自杀?

"This album feels spastic, nostalgic, dreamy, and surreal. It is all over the place, as if the artist's mind was going a million miles an hour while creating it. The lo-fi-type beats mixed with 8-bit and acoustic guitar highlight just part of the sampling and experimentation this album explores."

Dennis (Owner of Geometric Lullaby)

Here was the poem b e g o t t e n 自杀 sent over with this release:

"What a happy anniversary

What a joyous span of time

What a wonderful evening

With your hand in mine

You tell me everything that you want to say

You let it all out, put it all on display

I can't say a word, my mind goes blank

I want to shed tears, say words, give thanks

So happy anniversary, from me to you

You'll never understand, they never do."

Here was the Chinese text b e g o t t e n 自杀 sent with this release:

很容易陷入爱情，但是在一生的其余时间里，与同一个人保持恋爱更加困难。很容易陷入爱情，但是在一生的其余时间里，与同一个人保持恋爱更加困难。

即使一年过去了，你们分享的爱情持续下去。发出我最美好的祝愿，你将继续在爱和幸福中得到祝福。

在整个年龄段，许多人搜索，但从来没有发现像你们两个人那样的爱。愿你永远拥有伟大的爱和幸福的祝福。周年快乐！

感到自豪，知道你拥有每一个人渴望的那种爱，有一天会发现。愿你的心永远保持着像爱情一样的关爱和激情。周年快乐！

It is easy to fall in love, but it is more difficult to stay in love with the same person for the rest of your life. It is easy to fall in love, but it is more difficult to stay in love with the same person for the rest of your life.

Even if a year has passed, the love you shared continues. Send my best wishes, and you will continue to be blessed in love and happiness.

Throughout the ages, many people searched, but never found love like the two of you. May you always have great blessings of love and happiness. happy Anniversary!

Be proud of knowing that you have the kind of love that everyone desires, and one day you will find it. May your heart always keep the love and passion like love. happy Anniversary!

Music videos for the tracks (quartz) - 石英 and (diamond) - 钻石 were given for this album. (quartz) - 石英 would feature the reverse footage of gradually burning birthday candles, instead of everything melting away we see these candles rise from the grave. (diamond) - 钻石, an extremely short track at less than a minute long, presents sped up footage of a trick or treater during Halloween. 

To add some more context to the story, Dennis, the label owner of Geometric Lullaby, also spends his time performing in a band. Knowing that they would soon be on tour towards the latter part of 2018, Dennis realized that their route through the east coast of the United States would inevitably lead them past the address for the mental institution mentioned in the mysterious envelope.

Unfortunately, misfortune would strike again.

A hurricane would hit at the exact time they were supposed to drive south through Maryland, Virginia, and the Carolinas. Next up on the tour would have been Georgia, the state in which the mental asylum existed.

To make matters even worse, their engine died. Dennis notes it would’ve cost them several thousands of dollars to fix, and so instead of finally getting to the bottom of the surreal letter from our favorite little mysterious friend b e g o t t e n 自杀, they high-tailed it back home to Minneapolis from Syracuse, New York.

However...it was around this time that Dennis would finally receive an email from b e g o t t e n 自杀. It was short and it was simple. But to actually get some communication after such a long silence felt amazing. It said the following;

"Thank you. I am still alive. I am okay for now."

b e g o t t e n 自杀

Just those simple lines gave Dennis so much joy. He was glad that b e g o t t e n 自杀 was happy with how Geometric Lullaby was handling their releases. Dennis was nearly brought to tears.

At this point in our story, autumn of 2018, Dennis was yet to respond. The email was sort of final sounding, but of course, Dennis still had so many questions. At this time, Dennis wanted to take the next couple of weeks to figure out exactly what he wanted to respond with and how he wanted to say it. He was ready to continue to keep everyone updated on the situation, but thought it would be best to finally drop the fourth b e g o t t e n 自杀 album in October of 2018.

(happy anniversary) - 周年快乐 seemed to be the true calm before the storm in the saga of events between Dennis and b e g o t t e n 自杀. It was as if the melancholy musical style from the album replicated the seemingly calm section of the timeline the two virtual pen pals found themselves in at this moment. And while Dennis was relieved to finally hear back from b e g o t t e n 自杀, everything was still so odd. Any question Dennis had up until this point was still unanswered, nothing was solidified, nothing declared or figured out. Dennis took this time to focus on the label, prepare that fourth b e g o t t e n 自杀 release, and just take the time he needed to figure out his next move with the unknown producer.

In part III of our story, we’ll be wrapping everything up with b e g o t t e n 自杀.

Will Dennis figure out the truth behind the mystery?

Is it all a hoax, or something to truly be worried about?

I can promise you the oddities don’t end here and I can not wait to share with you how everything concludes. Until then, I think it’s time we put a virtual bookmark in our little story here, the insane tale of b e g o t t e n 自杀 is one of my favorite musical mysteries of all time and I hope to see you around for our final installment of what happened between Dennis and b e g o t t e n 自杀.

Thank you, we’ll talk soon.

Much love, ur boi,

Pad Chennington

Also known as "Youtube's Vaporwave Valedictorian", Pad Chennington is a content creator who has created a substantial following on YouTube for his videos discussing all things Vaporwave. Starting in the Fall of 2017, Pad's videos range from reviews to breakdowns, interviews to unboxings, and much more, always revolving around odd and interesting music genres found throughout the internet. Pad has also recently released an album in February titled "CONTRAST", available as a free download via the My Pet Flamingo label.

BEGOTTEN:
A Disturbing Online Music Mystery

WARNING: This article contains material not suitable for a younger audience. The following content and subject matter may be disturbing to some viewers.

I want to showcase everything that was sent to Dennis that day as best as I possibly could so the story of b e g o t t e n 自杀 can be shared as truthfully as possible.

Discretion is advised.

In 2017, an online music label known as Geometric Lullaby would create a thread on a forum in efforts to find new artists for their label. The label’s motto: A collection of songs about life and death.

They received a solid amount of responses but one response in particular stood out. What would happen next would not only change the label forever, but would introduce an entire online music scene to a series of six album releases shrouded in tragedy. All of this, paired with the chilling events we will learn about today, provides us with the ultimate case to solve… Just who is b e g o t t e n 自杀 ?

The story of b e g o t t e n 自杀 is absolutely massive and I believe it will be better to space the story out into multiple parts instead of having it all as one super long article. I plan on working on part two of this story as soon as I can so make sure you check on back here every once in a while.

So, our story today will focus on two people and the limited exchanges they’ve had: Dennis, the label owner of Geometric Lullaby, and obviously, the artist known as b e g o t t e n 自杀. As mentioned earlier, in 2017 Dennis would create a thread online in search of new artists for his label. A bizarre email from someone claiming to be from Azerbaijan, a small country just north of Iran, caught the eye of Dennis. The amount of material and what this email consisted of, was quite shocking.

Upon opening the email, Dennis noticed that the artist had already set up their own Bandcamp page with all of the covers and album names, each however, without any of the actual music.

The first reason this all caught the eye of Dennis was that he was sent six full albums, all at once, with each release set to go live on Halloween for every year going forward until 2022.

Aside from the music, the email also contained a series of music videos. These videos were eerie, haunting, dreamy, yet intoxicating and beautiful. Dennis says how the artist managed to make these videos so relaxing, all while at the same time putting him on edge, still baffles him to this very day.

And last, the text sent with the emails. What Dennis read from b e g o t t e n 自杀 was so bizarre, he just didn't know what to make of it. Each album had the title listed and track names (all of which included Chinese) and a block of Chinese text.

Dennis is still unable to understand the meaning of this text, or the reason for the Chinese language if they truly are from Azerbaijan. Some of it translates to almost a suicide note, while other parts sound like a story that they can't quite piece together.

Also included was a series of some of the most heart-wrenching poetry you could ever read paired with music. If you go to the artist's Bandcamp, you can read each of them right now, along with the album covers and titles. A lot of them are hard to read. They sound like someone who is in a dark place in their life. Dennis remembers all of this intriguing him without even hearing any of the albums yet.

Being hit with all of this at once, it was finally time for Dennis to download and listen to the music sent through the email. And, aside from the imagery, poetry, mysterious text and music videos, Dennis would soon discover a collection of albums unlike any other.

The music was dreamy and atmospheric, haunting yet relaxing, eerie but beautiful all at the same time. But most of all, it was extremely sad. Dennis found himself listening to every album, all six, from front to back twice as soon as he started them.

The multiple languages found in the samples selected tell a dark and depressive story, set against the backdrop of unbearable loneliness. Each release varies in mood from romantic inspired Vaporwave flips to darker trap beats and everything else in between. You’ll find sample work ranging from crystal clear and sharp as a knife to cloudy and incomprehensible, a smokescreen that suffocates us from the sound alone. Added chords and production techniques all evolve the original samples in such a riveting way with the emotional and worrisome narrative enriched into these songs

Dennis knew he had to be the one to release these albums.

After attempting to contact the artist back for over three months, Dennis would finally get a reply. It simply read: “Please release. Send me address.” Dennis immediately compiled everything he needed and sent the first album off for dubbing. Obviously, there was some doubt in all of this. Just who is this person? Why are they sitting on six albums of material as well as music videos to go along with them? Are they really from Azerbaijan? Dennis wondered if he should be worried about what was being said in the text from these releases, should he try and get this person help? Or, is this all a hoax or a prank? Or, is it simply someone trying to create just another creepy music alias on Bandcamp?

“Are these albums an intricate call for help? I just sincerely hope that this person is okay. They have created something unique and have a perspective on things that I can really connect with. I feel selfish, but I want more albums and expression from this individual. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I.”

Dennis, Owner of Geometric Lullaby

Dennis’ doubts about the location of b e g o t t e n 自杀 would eventually lessen when a mysterious package arrived in his mailbox, addressed from, where else, but Azerbaijan. The box contained only 25 copies of a J-card for cassettes of the first album known as “(life cycle) - 生命週期”, each with the word “Death” scribbled on front (for those who do not know, a J-card is the artwork insert placed in cassette cases).

Shortly after this is when we would see these albums begin to gradually emerge online, with the first one released on the label’s Bandcamp page on March 12th, 2018. I want to explore each release with you, going in order from when they were released on Geometric Lullaby and what was going on at that time in the saga of events between Dennis and b e g o t t e n 自杀.

Let us begin.

b e g o t t e n 自杀’s 1st album: (life cycle) - 生命週期 [March 12, 2018 / GEO - 005]

(life cycle) - 生命週期 would be the first b e g o t t e n 自杀 album that would see the dark of night on the internet. Music videos were also included in the original email from b e g o t t e n 自杀 for the album's title track (longing) - 渴望 and for the album’s 4th track (life) - 生活. These music videos, which contain nothing but low quality shots of skeletons, were the first of many to emerge on Geometric Lullaby from the series of footage sent over from b e g o t t e n 自杀 in the original email.

Every b e g o t t e n 自杀 music video gives off this vibe of decayed VHS, this sort of “Candle Cove” aura for those who remember when that whole thing was a craze on the internet.

(life cycle) - 生命週期 would consist of ten tracks, a very exciting and animated vaportrap release right out the gates for b e g o t t e n 自杀, all while still being hazy and lethargic with it’s wonderful use of textures and uncanny sound effects like the cry of the penguin you race in Super Mario 64 that is missing it’s baby. Manipulating R&B tracks and moody hip hop selections that fizzle out into these weird outer body climaxes are simply stunning and Dennis choosing this as the first b e g o t t e n 自杀 release to put on the label, besides the fact that this was the first release in the chronological timeline provided by b e g o t t e n 自杀, was the perfect move.  (life cycle) - 生命週期 is the ultimate entrance into the labyrinth of b e g o t t e n 自杀’s mind.

As mentioned earlier, each release was accompanied by text and poetry. Here is what was given from that email sent to Dennis for this first album:

"If love is a gift then I am luckier than most

I am showered with more than anyone could hope

Only I cannot accept them with open arms or a smile

I push everyone away from me, neverending denial

It hurts to exist

It is painful to live

My wrists show the struggle of my emptiness

Just once I want to express myself right

To be honest to those who deserve so and cry

To bleed my own blood not for me, not my life

But someone who needs it, just once before I die

No more lies...

And when I'm gone from this life, I'll look down in surpise

The world keeps on turning, not a cloud in the sky

Without me it's better and less filled with hate

Because now I am gone, buried deep in a grave.

Lay me down and close my eyes. Send me off into the night."

b e g o t t e n 自杀

Here was the Chinese text also sent to Dennis with the album. Translate these at your own discretion as some of these texts can get pretty heavy:

我真的很想去杀我自己，因为没有人需要我在这里，没有人要我在这里，没人在乎，我没有在线离线的朋友，我不爱我的家人，没有任何人理解我，我是一个失败，只是浪费钱/食物，更多我可以列出

 

所以我在这个旅行的合唱团，但是是夏天，但有像冬天般的天气。旅游地点有点糟糕，因为我曾经住过（约3000人，充满吸毒者）。我记得走到温迪的一个场所（没有我住过的地方），但这个标志就像“老兵酒吧”那样庆祝老将。我走进去，我没有钱，也没有我的朋友，但是一位老太太说：“哦，我不在乎，你还会在这么美好的一天去冰淇淋。”然后我被我的合唱团中的男中音拉开，我完全迷失在感觉像一个梦幻般的颜色和建筑物的模糊。

 

我所说的是冬季天气的原因是因为在上一部分末尾的幽灵段下雨，我用身体遮挡我的东西在雨中不被弄湿。即使这次旅行持续了几个小时，我想（不记得有关旅行的细节，也没有看到我的老师或任何同学以外的男高音和男中音）。我终于得到了不公平的，在一条我很熟悉的街道上。我头脑里有一个想法：我要去这个城里的朋友家去拜访，这是我去过他们家的唯一的朋友，和他一起睡觉。所以当我到了他的房子（我像火影忍者那样跑了30分钟，而不是坐公共汽车），到了他的房子，他是真的不同。有意义的是，我想：“在3.5年的时间里，我们分开了，我发现了一种幽默幽默感，他有一种脚痛，痴迷于水獭”

 

但等等还有更多

 

我进了他的房子，他没有像上次那样的狗，但他比以前有5个兄弟姐妹。我记得的是，我问他的父母在哪里，他的父亲说“哦，Skyler发现如何把自己变成水獭，所以他在浴室里有一些”私人时间“，这对他来说非常伤心”，而我可以听到非常非常大声的浴室呻吟声。我在汗水中醒来，低声想死

Each of these albums, when sent to Dennis, would be tagged as “hushwave” on Bandcamp, as well as the title of the second album released from b e g o t t e n 自杀. Dennis isn’t sure if this is the genre they came up with for their sound, but to him, it fits perfectly.

(life cycle) - 生命週期 would be released on a limited edition ruby red cassette with the first 25 orders containing that j-card “signed” by the artist. Side note: all of the b e g o t t e n 自杀 releases would eventually be re-released by Geometric Lullaby in a beautiful box-set collection on October 14th 2019. There were two variants of this box set, the Ghoul edition and the Ghost edition. These were released to the public with an unknown amount and, as expected, sold out ridiculously quickly due to b e g o t t e n 自杀’s status in the community and their beloved work.

b e g o t t e n 自杀’s 2nd album: (hushwave) - 治愈它 [June 11, 2018 / GEO - 010]

“This release was a little unsettling to me at first. It takes a different direction than the first album, in that, it achieves being both more haunting and creepy, while at the same time being more beautiful and relaxing. It seems that this release uses all female vocal samples, which adds to the airy and ghost-like soundscapes it creates. The songs conjure a thick fog of atmosphere and uncertainty, vaporous in its release, like the depiction on the cover.

I believe this album is a perfect culmination of what the artist was trying to get across with their tag "hushwave" that I have never heard before.”

Dennis, Owner of Geometric Lullaby

Up until this release, Dennis attempted countless times to contact b e g o t t e n 自杀 by email, even at the cost of spamming the original email address from which the albums were sent. Besides the initial email, the email asking for Dennis’ address, and the package that was sent from Azerbaijan, Dennis had yet to receive any sort of contact or response from b e g o t t e n 自杀. He began to believe all hope was lost in ever contacting this person again. That was, until, Dennis got a letter in the mail just three weeks before the release of b e g o t t e n 自杀’s 2nd album on the label.

The envelope was a beige color with the address, both sending and return, printed from what seemed to be a typewriter. Dennis had no idea who it was from, as the sender's name was typed as "B. D. W." and the address was from somewhere in the middle of Georgia (the state, not the country). The address seemed to have some significance but more on this in a bit.

Woozy and distant, the tones explored in b e g o t t e n 自杀’s second album (hushwave) - 治愈它 are enchanting on a whole 'nother level. Most of the tracks on here are just echoed vocals paired with some stretched out synths or reverb flooded piano keys. (hushwave) - 治愈它 is b e g o t t e n 自杀’s most minimalistic album in the series with the most animated track being all the way at the end of the album. The ending of that track, titled (hidden) - 隐藏,  shifts the mood into this almost silly, Halloween-like jingle that feels a bit uneasy due to the ironically innocent sounding “spookiness” it has.

Here was the poem that came with this album:

"A step too far and I find my way

Falling to my knees because the emptiness remains

The lights are so bright, I must close my eyes

I indulge once more as tears fall and she cries

Life is a burden I cannot bear

The barrel of a gun, a blank-eyed stare

Razor blade on the mantle, a cup full of pills

I tried everything once but nothing fulfills

Scars on my arms, self-mutilation, perhaps

I could get out of bed now, but rather take another nap

Scared to death of death itself and nowhere to turn

I hope I find solace before it's too late to learn."

b e g o t t e n 自杀

The album would also come with two music videos in the original email, one for the song (insomnia) - 失眠 and one for the song (ghost) - 鬼白 

The music videos feature these weird masked figures flailing and dancing around, every couple of seconds staring off and seeming to almost lose control of their bodies.

For fans of relaxing Vaporwave or Slushwave, this release is perfect for you. A big chunk of the b e g o t t e n 自杀 tracks we’ve gotten over the years feel so sensual at times, and this album is one of the best examples. It’s weird, if you didn’t know the backstory of these albums and what went into all of this, some of these releases would probably be super laidback and relaxing. Problem is, once you know, you know and you can’t avoid the horrific energy surrounding the b e g o t t e n 自杀 releases.

Here was the Chinese text provided for this release, when translated, seems to make no sense at all in relation to the album, track titles, artwork or anything:

这是通过应用物理和气象学原理来预测天气。天气预报预测了由大气条件（雪和冰覆盖，暴风雨，洪水等）引起的地球表面的大气现象和变化。科学天气预报依赖于经验和统计技术，如温度，湿度，大气压力，风速和方向以及降水的测量，以及计算机控制的数学模型。

So... back to the envelope.

After Dennis picked up the strange letter he went back into his apartment and opened it, curious, but thinking nothing of it at the time. What ended up being inside sent shivers down his spine; another envelope. This one was badly damaged. The addresses were written in red ink... and the return address?

Baku, Azerbaijan.

Dennis recalls nearly dropping the envelope. He cut it open carefully, his hands were shaking. Inside, there was a single card, thicker than paper. It read "You're Invited," in big cursive letters. Below, there looked to be a fingerprint in red ink, or possibly blood. An address was given, again, in Georgia. At the bottom, scribbled hastily was the word begotten.

And that was it. No date or details on what he was being invited to.

Dennis pulled up Google on his computer and looked up the first address from the outer envelope. That was when he got a little scared. The address was a state mental institution in Georgia. The building looked old and worn down, but according to Google, it was still active. His breathing shortened and he had to pinch himself wondering if he was in some sort of horror movie.

Next, Dennis looked up the address from the "You're Invited" card and nothing came up at all. He searched for a while to no avail and decided to download Google Earth. He pulled up the exact address and zoomed in to find a small graveyard with several mausoleums in central Georgia. He looked back at the card and decided that it was definitely blood leaving the fingerprint, not red ink.

At this point, Dennis took a moment to stop and absorb everything that was happening. He came up with four conclusions on what could possibly be going on with whoever this b e g o t t e n 自杀 person is:

1. Someone was pranking him from the start and this whole thing was just one big hoax.
2. Someone just started pranking him after the first release. They saw the first story and were now trying to feed off of the mystery.
3. b e g o t t e n 自杀 is actually someone living in Georgia, possibly in the mental institution. They used the Azerbaijan address as a decoy.
4. b e g o t t e n 自杀 is actually in Azerbaijan and is, for some reason, using this person in Georgia as a middleman. They sent them the original letter, which was then forwarded to Dennis in another envelope.

Dennis’ mind was flooded with questions: should they have the blood tested for DNA? Should he go to either of the addresses in Georgia? Or possibly try and find someone to go there for him since he lived in a completely different state?

Whatever his next move was, he knew that he needed to continue the release of these albums. Next up would be b e g o t t e n 自杀’s third album, the one many consider to be the darkest of them all.

----------

As mentioned earlier, I believe it will be better to space these articles out instead of having the story all put out as one super long read. That being said, I think this is a good place to stop before we open up a whole new can of worms with the third album.

We’ll talk again soon.

Until we meet again for our next deep dive into fascinating music…

Much love,

Ur boi,

Pad Chennington

Also known as "Youtube's Vaporwave Valedictorian", Pad Chennington is a content creator who has created a substantial following on YouTube for his videos discussing all things Vaporwave. Starting in the Fall of 2017, Pad's videos range from reviews to breakdowns, interviews to unboxings, and much more, always revolving around odd and interesting music genres found throughout the internet. Pad has also recently released an album in February titled "CONTRAST", available as a free download via the My Pet Flamingo label.

VAPOR95 LIVE 4.0 REPLAY

IN CASE ANYONE MISSED THE FOURTH VAPOR95 LIVE STREAM...

We've uploaded September's full show for you here:

It was a privilege to bring thirteen artists together for a visual and auditory spectacle and to share that with our fans and friends was an honor. Thank you to everyone who joined us to talk and vibe with the artists, fellow fans, and supporters!

Special thanks to ΛDRIΛNWΛVE, CVLTVRE, Neon Vectors, Limousine, Pad Chennington, Future Girlfriend Music, Vaperror, Macross 82-99, Flamingosis, Android Apartment, Lola Disco, kissmenerdygirl, and Tupperwave and the Vapor95 friends and family! Follow, explore, and support these musicians if you had a good time at Vapor95 Live 4.0!

We're excited to do more of these shows so stay tuned for upcoming digital concerts by following the DARKNET Recordings Instagram, the Vapor95 Instagram, or our Facebook. You can also sign up for our mailing list on the bottom of our store's homepage.

EMPLOYEE SPOTLIGHT:
PLAMEN STAMATOV

WHAT'S YOUR ROLE AT VAPOR95?

Hey! My name is Plamen Stamatov, I'm 25 years old and from Sliven, Bulgaria. I've been living in Plovdiv, Bulgaria for the last four years. I am the Lead Graphic & 3D Design Specialist at Vapor95.

WHAT DO YOUR DAY-TO-DAY OPERATIONS LOOK LIKE AND WHAT'S YOUR SCHEDULE USUALLY THROUGH THE DAY?

I coordinate the design department of Vapor95. A big part of my day-to-day is launching new designs and collection products, creating mockups, and making sure all print files work correctly with the printing machines. I also manage the products and collections on the website and create 3D renders for site graphics like sales banners, special pop-ups, and photo edits. In addition to this, I work on ads for our massive social media ad campaigns.

We recently launched an iOS and Android app, and are working to make it even better. Front and Backend. I'm responsible for the pitch deck presentations and wholesale catalog that we share with our partners. In my spare time, I'm also trying to create new designs, exclusively for Vapor95, but it's not a priority because we are collaborating with the most amazing artists around the world.

WHAT DID YOU DO BEFORE VAPOR95?

Four years ago, I was working as a freelance graphic designer. I didn't have any web, 3D design, or marketing knowledge so I had to find a way to do what I love in the right way. I came up with the idea to create something super cool for Photoshop. You may know about the Photoshop Actions, but for those who don't, Photoshop Actions are like macros that perform predefined functions. You just upload a photo in Photoshop and run the Action, and with zero knowledge you can have a super cool edited photo.

That sounded kind of boring for me. I wanted to do an Animated Parallax Tool Kit Photoshop Action. I successfully created it and sold the Action in a large marketplace called Envato. It became a bestselling Action in its category, was trending, and got featured in a lot of articles in Envato's forum.

How it Works:

So basically, you just upload the photo and with a few clicks and zero knowledge you can have a super cool Animated Parallax photo effect in .gif or .mp4 format, ready to post for Insta or Facebook. The effect is easy to do in After Effects, but it was a hell of a challenge for Photoshop. I figured it out and made it, and then a lot of people copied my idea and created their versions of this effect. I can say this Action is first on the market for Photoshop. It didn't get a lot of sales, of course, because I didn't have any followers and popularity, but it reached number one and all ratings were 5/5. I didn't continue to develop my account to create other sick actions. You will find out why in the next question.

Here is the trailer I made in After Effects about my product for Photoshop:

HOW DID YOU END UP WORKING WITH VAPOR95?

First of all, I want to say that I'm a big fan of sci/fi games and movies. My favorite sci/fi movie based on proven physics is Interstellar. I love Hans Zimmer music and Matthew McConaughey as an actor. I'm also a fan of old school movies like the Back To The Future Trilogy. Every autumn/winter, I do a movie marathon with my lovely girlfriend and we watch Back To The Future (in one day) and Harry Potter (in 3 days).

Furthermore, I found the Vaporwave/Synthwave movement which is not very popular in Bulgaria yet, but it's evolving. So with my modest skills, I created a vaporwave/synthwave artwork featuring my favorite car from BTTF: The DeLorean.

I shared this on my FB profile and it went viral. A lot of big Facebook art pages and groups shared my work, including Vaporwave Sadposting and it got thousands of likes and shares. It was featured on a lot of websites doing Top 10, also Android/iOS apps for inspiring arts and wallpapers.

The CEO of Vapor95 saw that the post was super popular and messaged me that he wanted me on the team for a test period and I got paid per task done. I actually started at Vapor95 maybe a couple of months after Vapor95 launched. Six to ten months later, I got the full-time job and four years later, we are here: the most popular Vaporwave clothing brand in the world with the very first vaporwave physical store in Los Angeles.

COULD YOU TELL US MORE ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE CREATING/WORKING ON RIGHT NOW?

Right now, I'm working on expanding the designs throughout the collections, as well as launching new creator collaborations. I have the honor to work with the most talented artists in the world like: Vektroid/Ramona to launch my design called 'Macintosh Plus Limited Edition', as well as Vinne Art, Tokyo Direct, Seerlight, Nemupan, Mizucat, Chronos & Vermillion, Legion Trash Art, Beachghost, KO, Lordess Foudre, Elias Bracho, Virtual Plaza, Caleb Finn, Virtua Apparatus, and Mr. Melville. One of my favorite projects I have done is launching the officially licensed Pink Floyd designs. Insane.

You can expect to see additional collections and design growth from Vapor95 in the near future.

Do you like the new Vapor95 home page desktop banner? Here's how it looked like when I was working on it!

WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR FAVORITE PART ABOUT WORKING AT VAPOR95?

Since I'm working remotely from Bulgaria, the best part is the communication with the rest of the team. We all work so smoothly and with this new and modern era of technology, it doesn't matter if you manage the servers, printing machines, website or everything in between, we communicate well regardless of where we're located. Without good communication, this wouldn't happen.

WHO OR WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO GET INTO DESIGN?

I have always been interested in web/graphic/3D design, marketing, social media and more.

WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF & VAPOR95 IN FIVE YEARS?

We should try to expand to have manufacturers in Europe, for faster delivery outside of the United States but maintain American handmade quality.

More Vapor95 Physical and Virtual Reality stores. 🤫

I also have the ambition to develop a V95 Cryptocurrency Token. 🤫

CAN YOU TELL US THREE THINGS YOU WOULD CONSIDER "INSPIRING ART"? IT CAN BE ANY MEDIUM (PHOTOGRAPHY, 3D DESIGN, FILM, MUSIC, WRITING, ETC.).

Recently I love the work of the following people:

Dizzy Viper, a 3D/Graphic artist

SNTHWVRS, a Music Producer

Andrew Kramer, a VFX Motion Designer

WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO WORK IN A CREATIVE FIELD LIKE DESIGN AND ART?

Never count on school and university 100%. They only provide you with the basics of what you need to know. They show you how to be social and teach you to talk in front of an audience and work in little group projects. If you really want to be a successful artist, it doesn't matter in what genre or area of development, just believe in you and make other people believe in you, but not just in your words.

Get things done and do what you love to do. It is a myth that people who work on computers are paid highly. There are a lot of parents forcing their kids to start courses for specific careers because they "have heard they pay well". Please future moms and dads: never force your kids. Please future artists: do what you do the best and do it right with a smile on your face! Things are going to happen for you. I promise.

IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DESIGN AT VAPOR95, WHY?

I like the Nemesis Hoodie because it's black and has an Alien head on the back side. Maybe we should launch more cyber-alien-vaporwave stuff?

Anguis Mortem is a cool and weird shirt. I love it.

I love Cybervision and all Vinne Art stuff because I love dark and energetic cyberpunk/synthwave/vaporwave designs.

YOU WORK REMOTELY AT VAPOR95, AS DO OTHERS ON THE TEAM, IF YOU HAD TO PLAN AN EMPLOYEE GET TOGETHER, WHAT WOULD WE DO? WHERE WOULD WE GO?

We can do a teambuilding experience on Mars. Just wait for Mr. Elon Musk and his workers to finish the Starship. It's going to be extraordinary and cool.

IF YOU HAD TO LISTEN TO ONE SONG FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

I can't choose between No Time For Caution or Stay by Hans Zimmer. Okay, maybe I like No Time For Caution a little bit more.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR FREE TIME?

In my spare time, I love to hang out with friends. I love to travel, but that's a big problem, especially this year. I love to watch sci-fi, mind-bending movies and play PC games with friends. Still waiting for Diablo 4, but it's not coming anytime soon, not even Blizzard soon. I also like to listen to Dubstep-Riddim music when I'm working. I love to talk about conspiracies, the future, Artificial Intelligence (the positive side of it), Tesla cars, SpaceX, and the upcoming mission to Mars. Love everything related to Aliens. I love to explore new stuff.

How do I have time for all this? Actually, I don't know. Maybe the right work with the right people taught me the best way to schedule and manage my tasks!

WHO IS THE PERSON YOU ADMIRE THE MOST?

Elon Musk, for sure.

IF YOU HAD ONE LAST WISH, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

When it becomes a widespread and accessible practice, I would like to have the opportunity and the necessary funds to take my girl to Earth's orbit. I'm sure it will be a normal thing in the next ten to twenty years.

Here are some of Plamen's favorite artworks he's created:

Employee spotlight:
Dominik Schneider

What's your role at Vapor95?

Hi! I’m Dominik. I live in Poland and generally I'm a graphic designer and visual artist and that means I create new print designs, prepare and fix digital files from artists we are collaborating with, web design, photo edits, ads, music artworks, edit videos and a lot of different things...I’m not bored at all.

What do your day-to-day operations look like and what's your schedule usually through the day?

Always starting with good coffee.

It is hard to tell because each day is different for me. Most often I'm doing new things each day and sometimes I have to continue bigger tasks. I can tell that I really love to work until late night and listen to a huge portion of music but also listen to design podcasts and quantum physics lectures during the work.

What did you do before Vapor95?

After graduating art school I was a Graphic Designer in a big industry corporation, then freelancing and selling self-made digital products for designers and now I'm here at Vapor95, happy.

How did you end up working with Vapor95?

In my spare time (after corporation drill) I was creating artworks as @super.unknown all around the aesthetics, vaporwave, retrowave, glitch art and graphics arts and that's how River found me. We started from a few designs and then I helped with some tasks and boom! We are now good friends, texting all the time, and doing cool things. Back in those days I would never tell you that collaborations with Vapor95 would be something serious for me but now, this is amazing.

Could you tell us more about what you're creating/working on right now?

In general a lot of ads, banners, and new products collections but also some cool extraordinary projects like: Secret shoe collaboration we'll announce soon, creating a dark theme for the website, new sections for the mobile app, new sticker sheets, new embroidery designs, and even a stuff for a crazy mystery giveaway we're doing (it's huge).

What has been your favorite part about working at Vapor95?

I'm grateful for the insanely open-minded people I'm working with! Also the fact that I'm working on different things and each day this is one of the best things for me. I really love the fact that I'm working around 6,000 miles away from my crew and we still have great communication (even with cultural differences). I love the fact that my ideas matter and I can experiment and dig into new styles. Of course, I'm a huge fan of Vaporwave music and the whole movement so that reason is also very important for me and that excites me a lot.

Who or what inspired you to get into design?

Inner creativity drive, drawing a lot as a child and the fact that I always loved to be surrounded by art. Graphic Design and Visual Art is the best way to express yourself without using words.

Where do you see yourself & Vapor95 in five years?

Probably as an art director of a small design crew. You know, the guy who knows how to fix all things and brings some fresh and unique ideas to the crew. Seriously, I see how fast Vapor95 is developing and expanding so it is hard to tell what will happen because it could be something really big and unpredictable. Love it, just love it.

What advice do you have for someone who wants to work in a creative field/startup/etc.?

Stay in business, watch what's happening on Behance, Awwwards and so on. Listen to what other designers have to say. Clean your mind and take proper rest, spend time with friends, play some games with them, and meet new people. People are inspiring. Visit new places because watching the same four corners is not inspiring (new places are inspiring). Take a walk with a dog (or without), do some sport activity, because the brain is also a part of our body. We have to keep moving. Pump some fresh blood to your brain.

Creativity is a resource so use it wisely to not get blocked.

For your own startup, I recommend selling things that you as a creator need in your work (assets that you made from scratch) and, of course, each thing you make has to be 110% quality.

If you had to choose, what is your favorite design at Vapor95, why?

I can’t pick favorite designs but I can pick my favorite Artists at Vapor95:

Sandro Rybak, Karborn, Vinne Art, Mizucat, Tokyo Direct, Vector, Beachghost and, of course, Macintosh Plus/Chronos & Vermillion.

(Check out our full list of Creators here)

What’s the favorite thing you’ve ever created?

I love all of my “childrens”.

If you could magically acquire one piece of art for your room (a painting, a sculpture, an installation, whatever), which would you choose and why?

Man…this one is really hard.

"Fallen Angel” by Alexandre Cabanel (1868).

Just look in those eyes and you will know why.

The Internet's Darkest Music Genre

Hidden deep within the virtual backrooms of the Internet exists a sound so forgotten, barren and bizarre...it’s a sound you can’t turn away from once you click the play button...a music scene left abandoned to time and the ever-expanding musical library of the digital realm.

Uncanny artwork, hyper-sensitive textures and a narrative that always ends the same way for every release: the pure decay and death of the music. Today, you and I will be exploring one of the most lonesome, dark, and mysterious music genres on the Internet, known as “Deathdream”, and what makes this extremely small collection of albums so suspiciously sinister. We will be taking a look at a handful of releases, explore some commentary from actual Deathdream producers, and ultimately, you and I will discover what makes this microgenre contain such immense power in its ability to revolutionize the concept of disposability in music, an ability that leaves us, the listener, in a state of pure audio and sensory purgatory.

Deathdream is a Bandcamp tag given to a small collection of albums that explore themes of isolation, depression, desperation, and other similar subject matters. As of the making of this video, only 75 releases pop up when searching for the “Deathdream” tag on Bandcamp. It’s a very niche style that clearly hit its prime between 2015 to 2016, and although you’ll find some more recent releases scattered here and there, the style is now trickling and rotting away to time. Stumbling upon Deathdream feels like you’ve discovered an abandoned city or ghost town, you’ve run out of gas and you pulled off the main highway only to enter a town vacant of all life.

Click on any of these releases and you’re entering a vacant house or storefront in this abandoned town, tracklists resembling the objects and outdated decor within that may paint some sort of picture as to what happened here. Using tools ranging from heavy drone work, repetitive, looping sabotage and just the straight-up eerie bending and twisting of samples and instrumentation, producers, or as i like to call them, practitioners of the Deathdream sound are determined to tell a story more than anything else. These constant barrages of the same sound chopped repetitively (perfect examples of this being Geolocationism and reflection) bring you into an almost trance-like state, hammering in that sort of hopeless, apocalyptic or post-apocalyptic setting the narrative brings to life so well. Instead of Deathdream being music, the releases feel more like expeditions varying in different intensities. Whether it’s dystopian armies roaming the streets to settings even more deserted, like ghost towns where all that is left is the struggling nature trying to find its way in a place void of hope and life.

Deathdream takes traces of Ambient, Dark Vaporwave, Broken Transmission, and Eccojams and distills the sound with a focus on death, anxiety, and decay. The world of Deathdream opens the door for incredible creative expression and rebirth in artists looking to try something new and explore the darker parts of storytelling. There is something inherently refreshing in creating a new alias to create a sound different from your usual work; Deathdream becomes a home for producers looking to become more anecdotal with their work in a disposable, no strings attached way.

"Deathdream is not about the sound, it's about the aesthetics surrounding the music. Not just the album covers, or the track titles or whatever, but the narrative inherent with every Deathdream album. Deathdream albums have stories attached to them. Sometimes the story is obvious and sometimes it’s a complete mystery, but Deathdream needs a narrative of some sort in order for it to work well.

If you’re someone who wants to make Deathdream, make a new anonymous alias. Don’t worry about publicity, there is someone out there that will notice it. And just try to make something you haven’t made before. Most Deathdream that exists is something someone made on the side, it can be a great way to filter creative energy."

- 暗い自然 (Dark Nature)

Deathdream producer & owner of Black Records 

There are two main labels on the Internet that house a heavy amount of these releases: BLCR Laboratories and Black Records. I highly recommend venturing through each of their respective catalogues, the two are truly a goldmine and will definitely provide you with the material you are looking for.

I want to focus our time today on a couple of Deathdream releases specifically, projects that caught my attention immensely and I just find them to be a perfect demonstration of how intense storytelling elements can be through fascinating presentation and production. Use these albums as undedicated, drowned out background noise late at night. On the other hand, you can allow yourself to be completely taken over by them. I recommend taking the time to lay down in bed, close your eyes, relax your muscles, and have the music absorb you into its world with your undivided attention.

I. 아버지 (father) - reflection

First up on our list today, I want to showcase the brilliance of 아버지’s (father) 2016 release titled “reflection”. This eight track gem explores themes of self-reflection, loneliness, rejection, depression, rebirth and it all concludes with the unfortunate fate of the inevitable crash at the end. When you look at how the track list is ordered or when you listen to each song in succession, you feel like you have suddenly transported into the body of someone going through a pretty tough sort of struggle.

The opening ten-and-a-half-minute track reflection is just mesmerizing: crushing, nonstop repetitive loops that just consume your mind, everything bringing to the forefront these memories you can’t stop thinking about, flashing in your head over and over...and over again. Tracks like “waking up the same”, “someone else”, and “loosing everything” all follow up with this rained on and weathered sample work struggling to make it through each measure, these brittle songs begging for your attention as they crawl out of your headphones.

아버지 (father) makes excellent work on taking sounds that feel depressing, beaten, and hopeless and makes you want to listen to them. Like I said, the narratives of these Deathdream releases feel very cinematic and heavy and you want to look in and examine what the music is going through.

There is always an unavoidable curiosity to it all.

Once we pass the halfway point of the album however, “reflection” becomes enticingly hopeful and less gloomy, especially when we get to the longest, and in my opinion, best track on the album: “tomorrow”. This eleven minute epic sticks out tremendously from the rest of the sorrowful sounding work on the album; these beautiful angelic voices breaking through with warm rays of sun behind them crashing into your ears.

Unfortunately, the refreshing joy of this track ends after this. The last track “untitled” seals away the angelic voices and the sun and returns with these jarring repetitive loops, it feels like the previous track crumbling and burning to the ground, proving it to all to be an illusion as we end the album with this hard stop that goes right back into the first track of the album. This move makes the album feel like a looping cycle and further nails in the notion that whatever this person is going through, this subject you create in your head as you listen to the album, it is all just this never ending cycle of sadness, a possibility for light shining through, and then it just divebombs back into despair and hopelessness. Sounds miserable, I know. But trust me, definitely start with this release. “Reflection” is an incredible journey through hypnotic sound design that feels like an artistic film rather than an album.

II. 아버지 (father) - 흰색 죽음 (White Death)

This is a beautiful piece of work.

One year before “reflection” was released, father dropped “흰색 죽음” (White Death). While “reflection” was a bit more jumpy, I would say, with its repetitive chops and, at times, colorful sounds scattered throughout, “흰색 죽음” (White Death) is way more parasitic and sinister. The whole album feels like you’re walking through this pitch-black hallway, a hallway so dark that even though there isn’t any light, the surface of a white object could eventually become visualized after your eyes adjust to the dark. As you're venturing through the hallway, slowly realizing that there may be no end to this, you begin to sense the entity that is hovering behind you.

The album is very quiet. There are these ambient passages moving at a snail’s pace only interrupted by haunting echoes, a ticking clock, static fuzz or confusing piano keys with no rhyme or rhythm, every moment floats in limbo. “흰색 죽음” (White Death) almost feels like the work of The Caretaker, especially toward the last stages of “Everywhere at the End of Time”. Audio on “흰색 죽음” (White Death) barely makes it through and crackles similarly to “Everywhere at the End of Time”. There is a moment where it sounds like someone is hitting the same two keys of a piano but the audio keeps cutting in and out, your headphones will feel like they are broken and this feature common throughout the project all adds to the unsettling aura this release gives off.

The last track of the album, which simply translates to death, is the moment where this entity finally begins to interact with you on a conversational level. All the textures overlaid on top of the tracks that came before you finally dissipates. The piano keys become crystal clear, your mind is as pure and empty as it can possibly be. You speak with death itself as it guides you through your last moments of whatever control you have left, only for it all to abruptly end as you're just beginning to learn the true meaning of the album. I dare you to listen to all of White Death laying down with your eyes closed and noise canceling headphones on. Enjoy the trip.

III. The various releases of 暗い自然 (Dark Nature)

Albums: Bleed | Soul Drainage | The Dark Forest 最も暗い夜 | The Sounds of Life

If you search for Deathdream on Bandcamp, you’re going to notice this name pop up a lot. 暗い自然 (Dark Nature) captures the ominous energy of being lost in nature or abandoned places. Harsh winds and distant remnants of a town that once was in the 29 minute long release of “Soul Drainage”, The hyper heightened sounds of birds and bugs with the “Sounds of Life”, the most brutally cold day of your life with “Bleed”, or the hidden beauty of a dark forest as night turns to morning on a cloudy, cold, and rainy November day…2015’s “The Dark Forest 最も暗い夜”.

暗い自然 (Dark Nature) does a stellar job at recognizing the disposability in music, the idea that anything you do or anything that has been done before can be sampled, recontextualized, and repurposed as something new. Nothing is ever untouchable, unmalleable, off-limits. Nothing can live or last forever. I was able to get in contact with 暗い自然 (Dark Nature), who had some interesting things to say about the concept of music as a whole:

“I think that music is disposable... Vaporwave kind of made me realize this, sampling stuff I would never have heard of otherwise. For an example, I’m pretty sure more people have heard リサフランク420 - 現代のコンピュー rather than the original Diana Ross song.

 

Vaporwave was definitely not the first musical genre that sampled music, that’s literally been done since music was invented. But I feel vaporwave was the first genre that sampled music in a completely decontextualized way. Using samples without caring where they came from, just taking old music and distorting it, until it sounded nostalgic or depressing or whatever the artist was doing with it. Recontextualizing it without even knowing what the original artist wanted to express with their music.

 

That’s only really possible when you think of music as disposable, and I think Deathdream really captures that. Not necessarily because it samples stuff, not all Deathdream does, but because it uses the disposability to decay itself out. Entire Deathdream albums and aliases have all been essentially deleted and forgotten, with very few people even remembering what it was... with each passing year, more and more people forget. I know of this first hand.

 

I think it’s special when there are entire albums that can only be recalled via your memory. When the only thing preventing this art from fading away forever is you staying alive. Having a relationship like that with music is super special. Deathdream should be able to die, is what I guess I am saying.”

- 暗い自然

Deathdream producer & owner of Black Records

Accompanied with the cheap aesthetic of VHS-weathered artwork, 暗い自然 (Dark Nature) captures a wide range of moods, there are releases that feel hazy, longing and tranquil while others are just straight up sporadic. 暗い自然 (Dark Nature), or the person behind the alias, is also the owner of Black Records, a label I highly recommend you check out for more Deathdream material and it was great getting their insight on the integrity of Deathdream, it all goes beyond just the charm of something feeling cheap, brittle and repurposed… the gradual decay of the music brings to life a whole other avenue of narrative to any project. 暗い自然 (Dark Nature) believes this is where the “death” in Deathdream comes from, the fact that the ending is always planned. Deathdream should be built around the idea of the impending end of the art, a story with a beginning, middle, and conclusion.

"Deathdream is not about the sound, it’s about the aesthetics surrounding the music. Not just the album covers, or the track titles or whatever, but the narrative inherent with every Deathdream album. Deathdream albums have stories attached to them. Sometimes the story is obvious and sometimes it’s a complete mystery, but Deathdream needs a narrative of some sort in order for it to work well."

- 暗い自然

Deathdream producer & owner of Black Records

IV. 死亡頻道 (Death Channel) - 超越灵魂 (Beyond Soul)

In March of 2019, a producer by the name of 死亡頻道 (Death Channel) would release a project called “超越灵魂” (Beyond Soul). 超越灵魂 (Beyond Soul), from everything I’ve heard up until making this video, may be my favorite Deathdream project yet.

Compared to his other aliases which both translate to Dream Channel (夢のチャンネル & 夢想的頻道), the birth of the third alias 死亡頻道 (Death Channel) would focus more on the practice of making darker sounds all while telling a story at the same time.

On “超越灵魂” (Beyond Soul), 死亡頻道 (Death Channel) tried to imagine a story in which a sad and lonely man was left adrift in his own home due to an accident and what would happen as the situation goes from bad to worse. As you listen to the album, the sound changes a bit, but the essence of sadness and darkness remains. The first two songs are crisp, crystal clear and sort of peaceful. By the end of that second song. we clearly hear that our character dies. It is at this moment where the album truly begins, where it’s real depth comes into play, as from the third song on we accompany this character on their journey into the realization that they have passed away and that they were abandoned during their time of need.

The artwork for this release works perfectly, the overlaying images conjuring up a dazed and confused feeling of awakening in a hospital late at night after everyone has left, confused on how you got here in the first place. Medical instrumentation on the side of your stretcher, a long corridor through which you wander while thinking that you are fine, and your soul being the lonely trooper to go through it all.

"Undoubtedly, the sounds you mention always tell a story, or try to make your imagination fly about what you hear and how you can interpret it. 超越 灵魂 (Death Channel) was also like that and what I can recommend for anyone who wants to achieve something of that style, they should simply think about something in their life, in some passage or memory or anecdote, in any situation, and try to figure it out and portray it In music."

- 超越灵魂

Death Channel

When reaching out to 死亡頻道 (Death Channel) regarding any commentary or interesting information regarding the release of “超越灵魂” (Beyond Soul), they told me the inspiration for the project comes mostly from video game soundtrack elements, like Silent Hill and Alice: Madness Returns. That, combined with vaporwave techniques with projects like メディカル= (Medical) and 아버지 (father) led to the creation of 死亡頻道 (Death Channel).

“超越灵魂” (Beyond Soul) is born with sounds and interpretation from some parts of the producers own personal life as well.

"I have been hospitalized 4 times in my life and most of it between 2010 and 2014 I spent in the doctor and hospital accompanying my grandmother until her death (RIP). All those moments of my life, those feelings, being there and living it, was what gave the sound of 超越灵魂 (Death Channel)."

- 超越灵魂

Death Channel

Deathdream is an abandoned goldmine of music, a collection of releases forgotten to time and left to rot away in the furthest corners of Bandcamp. But as we’ve learned today, that may be the ultimate plan of it all anyway. If you are someone who is interested in making Deathdream, 暗い自然 (Dark Nature) notes that you should make a new anonymous alias. Do not worry or stress about publicity, there is someone out there who will notice you. Most importantly, just try to make something you haven’t made before. Dive into the deepest parts of your mind. Most Deathdream that exists is something someone made on the side as a great way to filter creative energy.

So...what will you create, my friend?

Until next time, much love, ur boi,

Pad Chennington

Also known as "Youtube's Vaporwave Valedictorian", Pad Chennington is a content creator who has created a substantial following on YouTube for his videos discussing all things Vaporwave. Starting in the Fall of 2017, Pad's videos range from reviews to breakdowns, interviews to unboxings, and much more, always revolving around odd and interesting music genres found throughout the internet. Pad has also recently released an album in February titled "CONTRAST", available as a free download via the My Pet Flamingo label.

LETTER FROM THE CEO

Hello everyone!

This is River, the CEO. I just wanted to personally thank you for checking out Vapor95 and becoming a part of our family.

Here is a little message from me about why I started the company and our future at Vapor95:

Almost four years ago, I started this company from my bedroom. Now, it’s expanded into something I could never have imagined. I will be eternally grateful for this. My gratitude really stems from two things. The first is Vaporwave itself, as a thought movement and as a philosophy.

When I first discovered Vaporwave, I really felt like it was the truest expression of my self identity that I had yet to find. It was me, it was my generation, it was what I grew up with, it was my t a s t e. I loved the colors and the moods. The feeling it imbued in me. This deep longing and at the same time, a deep peace. A peace that the time and place did exist, not only in the recesses of my childhood memories but in the collective subconscious. And now, it was being expressed.

The surrealist flow of Floral Shoppe and the disjunctive attitudes of Blank Banshee. When I was a teen (sixth through eighth grades), I used to go to the Boys and Girls Club after school. It was the ‘90s. We would watch MTV in the “teenroom” where you had to be sixteen to enter.

I remember the Thong Song music video in detail. I also remember Dragon Ball Z was on at 5 PM on Toonami. I would force the other kids to watch it with me while they mocked me for liking cartoons. I played Metal Gear Solid on the PS1 with my cousins and I bought the strategy guide and delicately opened the secret section. I had a Green Day tape and black bucket hat that was my only connection to teenage life when I had to drive across the country with my mom for a summer. I spent late nights on AOL chat rooms and on AIM trying to get people to download Subseven so I could make their CD tray open. I had Beck's "Odelay" in a yellow shockproof CD player. I had JNCOs. I could go on and on.

Vaporwave hearkened to those times and made me recall a simpler life: my life as a kid growing up in the ‘90s and into the new millennium. When I first realized that this beautiful movement existed, that I was a part of it, and that there didn’t exist a centralized source to buy clothing in this style, I understood what I had to do. I realized that if I didn’t do it, then someone else would.

I realized that Vaporwave at its core, its essence, resonated deeply in our society. We missed the free, wild, early internet. We missed low resolution. We wanted to represent this identity through what we wore, naturally. I will have to admit that when I made Vapor95, I wasn’t in the best place, and looking back I’d say I was pretty depressed. I think this is another aspect of Vaporwave that attracted me. It soothed me.

Recently when I did a giveaway on Instagram, I asked people to comment what Vaporwave meant to them, and I think a majority of the answers were something akin to: It helped me with my anxiety and depression and The atmospheres and feelings it gives me make me feel better about life and my place in it.

I am also grateful for this.

The second thing that I am grateful for is all of you. Each of you reading this. I’m grateful that I was able to find my place in life. All of your support in so many different ways has made this dream possible.

I always worried that Vapor95 could be interpreted as a patronization of Vaporwave, a cheap way to profit off of the movement. I worried that the community would reject me, but the opposite has happened. The Vaporwave community as a whole has supported and loved our brand and company and allowed it to flourish and continue to grow. It's really through this growth that Vapor95 has been given the opportunity to expand and enrich the already vibrant Vaporwave community. This is really one of my main goals. To spread Vaporwave, the message of Vaporwave, the peace and unity of Vaporwave.

The amount of gushing and beautiful words I was told at both ElectroniCON festivals changed me. People cared about the company and we were like a family. I cried thinking about all the people that actually cared. Words really can't express how thankful I really am for this, for this opportunity, and responsibility.

When I made the company I really had one main goal in mind: to provide a reliable, quality, American-made and customer-oriented source for Vaporwave clothing online. Which, at the time, didn't exist. I wanted to make sure that everything Vapor95 did and made was quality and above board, nothing made overseas or cheaply. I wanted everyone that had an interaction with the company to feel positive, excited, and inspired, to be entirely satisfied with their purchase and wanting more.

Unfortunately due to the nature of reality, this has been a statistical impossibility and it pains me to think of the ways I have also made mistakes, but I know that I have learned from these mistakes and this allows me to continue to move us constantly and consistently in the right direction, and with the same aspirations I had when I first started it.

The future right now for Vapor95 is incredibly bright. Although the Coronavirus has delayed many of our ambitions plans, I know we will get through this over time.

There are so many places and directions I want to take the company and the fashion industry in general. I want to develop the future of clothing. I want to incorporate technology and the perfect aesthetic into a new form of artwork that will revolutionize what we wear as a whole.

I am so excited and honored to have you with me on this journey.

Long Live Vaporwave!

If you ever need anything at all or have any questions, don’t hesitate to reach out to me at River@Vapor95.com.

With Love,

River

ARTIST SPOTLIGHT: NITEPUNK

We're super excited to feature you on our blog, Darknet, and share who you are to our readers. Can you tell them a little bit about yourself, both as an employee and music producer?

Hi! I'm Lasha from Brooklyn, originally from Republic of Georgia. Art and creativity have always been the driving forces in my life, so I let them guide my life. That's how I ended up becoming a music producer and employee for Vapor95 and DARKNET Recordings.

I moved to the states from Georgia in 2015 with the plan that I'd make music and art for living, although I was always driven towards the culture here and always wanted to be surrounded by like-minded people from all around the world. I thought New York would be the perfect place for that.

When did you start your music journey? Can you tell us more about the process of becoming a musician?

My first contact with music started in early childhood when I was probably three or four years old. My main musical sources were my mom and dad, separately showing me their favorite music. Growing up, I remember I'd dive deeper into those artists or their albums to find more and explore that world myself. Music was always a very vivid and clear imaginary world for me where I'd always want to hang out.

Despite my strong love of music and dance, I never thought of becoming a musician. I always had music in my head, always improvising, singing different voices over my favorite songs, etc. but being in a studio, surrounded by instruments, guitars, keys was always so far from how I saw myself. Computer and music-making software completely changed that for me. It was a quick and fun way to explore a completely free-form world of music, sounds, creativity and I got hooked right away. I started to take it seriously when I was 15 and making music, experimenting and exploring my artistry and creativity has been as much fun as when I was just starting out.

How did you start working for Vapor95?

I was backstage at Knitting Factory in Brooklyn, just hanging out with friends and artists. At one point, I was standing next to this cool and uniquely styled guy and next thing I remember, our mutual friend came up to us and said "you guys are gonna be best friends" and here we are today. Best friends, me and River (CEO of Vapor95). We got into crazy hyper-dimensional conversations about everything, including music of course.

It was so impressive for me how welcome, kind, and motivating he was to me. My life really changed after becoming friends with him. After a couple of hangouts, he asked me if I would help him with his music EP. I was instantly down to help out. I was working at a restaurant at that time, so couldn't dedicate as much time as I would have liked to. So, he offered me a job at Vapor95. Started as his assistant, helping out with everything, and then we directed my skills towards launching DARKNET Recordings, expanding it as a Vapor95 Media Platform!

What do you do at Vapor95? How do you juggle your music career and Vapor95 work?

I'm mainly an A&R and manager for DARKNET Recordings but I do small back-end tasks for Vapor95 as well. With DARKNET, I make sure the label is running smoothly. I reach out to artists about their music and needs, distribute their music to platforms, curate playlists, make mixes, and work on the creative direction of everything.

Could you tell us a little more about what you're working on? Vapor95 and music stuff.

At the moment at Vapor95, we have a couple EPs in the early stages of shaping up. About my music, I just got signed where one of my biggest inspirations is signed as well and we're planning each step carefully.

I have a track coming out on a compilation of one of the biggest names in bass music which is kinda crazy. He was the very first guy I heard Dubstep from. I'm so excited to start releasing all original music with the label starting in September or October!

Where do you draw your inspirations from? Can you guide us through the process of making a track, from start to finish?

I feel like everything is becoming more and more inspirational to me, starting from music to life experiences, feelings, memories, sometimes pre-passing out moments too. Dreams, too. Making a track is such a trip! I realize when I'm in composition mode, I almost don't remember making them after. I completely zone out and get lost in the crazy alchemy process.

I sometimes start with drums, grooves, or simply sound designing and melodies. It's always different depending on the mood. Sometimes it's just a quick idea and will turn into a song after weeks, days, or even years. Sometimes the idea is so strong, you just stick with it and finish it in a couple days. When the flow is there, everything becomes so easy.

What's your goal with music? Where do you see yourself in five years?

My goal with music is to be able to travel around the world, play music, get to know people, and gain all the crazy experiences with them.

There's something so crazy and magical about sharing music with the people as one collective consciousness, so I want to do that with shows and high energy performances around the world. I really want to be doing that in the next five years. I don't know when/if I'll ever be tired of it. I definitely wanna try myself in clothing design, movie/games scoring, and hi-tech visual art! These are my dreams.

If you weren't a musician, what would you do for a living?

I'd still make music.

But for a fair answer, I'd maybe be a dancer or a visual artist! Or maybe, I'd do curling at the winter Olympics.

What is your absolute favorite music to put on and work to?

Liquid Drum & Bass, Lo-Fi hip hop, Vaportrap, old school UK Garage.

If you were to make a playlist for an end of summer party what would be on it?

"Love Me More" by Chase & Status

You’ve made huge strides in your music career over the past few years, what advice do you have for someone who is trying to break into the industry?

I've come to realize that the more you think of "making it", the more it holds you back. You always have to be loud about what you create. I think the art that isn't shared, doesn't really exist. But what I mean is, don't wait for anyone's approval, whether that's the labels, channels, whatever. Keep making music/art for the sake of fun and creativity.

Have fun with all the aspects of releasing it and sharing it with people. Do it in your own way, in your own style. Always keep improving it. Always keep learning. When it's the right time, the right people will show up to genuinely help you take your vision to the next level.

What is the origin story of the name Nitepunk?

It just kinda flew to me itself. I was always an explorer rebel kid so the word "punk" and the attitude of it always spoke to me deeply. I could relate how I felt most of the time.

When I moved to the States, I wanted to start all over again with a new name and story. I wanted to make it something that could relate to my high energy self as well as a peaceful character of mine. My mind feels peaceful and most creative at night. I merged those two things into Nitepunk.

You recently released an EP, Red Turbulence, tell us a little bit about how this process was for you compared to the other music you’ve put together. What inspired you?

Red Turbulence tracks were supposed to be singles at first. But after Never Say Die Records reached out, I decided to go with the full EP and put all these out. I knew I had to go extra hard with the wrapping up of the EP. It was definitely the first big release for Nitepunk music.

I worked with super talented and creative visual artists for the teaser (credits in the video) but mainly with @iamgogokhia & @cbu3D. We spent all day working on the assets and visuals for about two months! One of my favorite memories ever!

Watch the teaser for Red Turbulence EP here!

Lastly, any upcoming shows (digital or otherwise) / projects we can direct people to check out?

Unfortunately, no upcoming shows at the moment. But, my music is on the way and I hope the Vapor95 community likes it too. The next couple months are very exciting for me! Can't wait!

✨ NITEPUNK ✨

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EMPLOYEE SPOTLIGHT: ALEXA

We’re super excited to feature you in the Employee Spotlight this month! What's the first thing that came to mind when you found out you were next to be featured on Vapor95's Employee Spotlight?

Thank you. Excited to be featured! When I first heard I was going to be the next Employee Spotlight I was curious about what the questions would be. They tend to be pretty creative.

First, tell us a bit about yourself and what you do at Vapor95.com. What does your day to day look like?

I live in Brooklyn and work remotely, handling marketing and PR at Vapor95, specifically working on influencer strategy and relationship building, managing brand partnerships, creator design collaborations, planning live streams, and events, and reaching out to editors for press coverage. My day to day varies a lot depending on what projects I’m working on. I can say that I do a lot of emailing, researching, and planning every day, and have to be pretty organized to stay on top of everything that I’m working on at once.

How did you find yourself working for the company?

I was friends with River (the founder of Vapor95) before working for the company. He knew that I was working really long hours at my previous job and wasn’t super happy there. He asked me to come work for Vapor95 and it was the greatest work decision I’ve made.

What did you do before Vapor95?

Before Vapor95, I was a Digital Strategist working on influencer strategy for a creative agency. I worked with a variety of lifestyle, beauty, and tourism clients as an account lead for everything influencer related.

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up to be a treasure hunter or an actress. I went to performing arts schools and had dreams of becoming a movie star, which is funny to me now because as I’ve gotten older I really don’t like being in the spotlight. When I initially went to college, I went thinking I wanted to pursue a career in creative writing. I later switched gears and went into marketing.

What are your passions and interests outside of work? What's your creative outlet?

Before the city shut down due to COVID-19, I would spend a lot of my time going to shows, mostly to see local Brooklyn bands, but also made sure to see larger bands I love when they made it to NYC. I like to snowboard in the winter, when I am able, but unfortunately didn’t make it out this past year. I wish I could say I have a creative outlet currently. I think I’ve had ‘start writing again’ on my to-do list since I graduated college. I have started getting into genealogy over the past few months while we’ve been stuck at home and have discovered so much about my ancestors. It might be lame, but in general I love doing research and discovering personal histories.

How do you relax when work finishes? What's your ideal weekend?

Working remotely, I sometimes have a hard time establishing a good work-life balance, partly because I’m excited about what I’m working on and also because I haven’t set up a consistent hourly routine for myself, so I often work late into the night. To relax, I like to take a bath, journal, read, light candles, and listen to music like Mazzy Star, Beach House, or J. Mascis. Pretty standard stuff I guess. 

My ideal weekend is being outside in the sun, laying and hiking around in nature. I feel so deprived of it after being stuck in a little apartment for months. I think I need to get more plants for my room!

What is your favorite part about working for Vapor95? What are you working on now?

My favorite part about working at Vapor95 is feeling like I’m heard and respected, and that what I have to contribute is valued. I am able to be super creative and try out any ideas I have. There is an opportunity to get involved in all parts of the business that interest me, and I think that’s pretty invaluable.

Everyone at Vapor95 is super cool and easy-going. There is an immense opportunity for everyone working here to grow and learn new skills as the company grows. 

Right now I’m working on a few things: finalizing our marketing calendar for the remainder of the year, launching new influencer merchandise collections that I helped design and am really excited about, managing co-branded collection drops, launching a new women’s collection, reaching out to the magazines about Vapor95 news, and managing our influencer and creator partnerships.

What's a secret about you that your co-workers have never heard before?

This question is reminiscent of having to go around the classroom and introduce yourself with one interesting fact about yourself, but worse. Working remotely I haven’t really had the opportunity to get to know all of my co-workers on a super personal level so there is a lot they probably don’t know about me.

If you had to choose, what is your favorite design at Vapor95, why?

My favorite Vapor95 design is the Severus, a limited edition, embroidered hoodie. I love all of the details that went into the design. I’ve been trying to get River to bring it back forever. 

I’m also a big fan of the Vinne Art designs, especially CyberVision, Prototype, and Always Cute.

We ask this question to artists we interview here. Letʼs say you get full artistic freedom on a billboard on the busiest road in a huge city where millions will see your message. What would your message be? Any combo of words and images is fine.

If it’s possible, maybe a semi-translucent, holographic billboard that simultaneously casts rainbows and the shadow of the words printed on it onto the road below. The message:

Remember Magic

Or maybe just this quote by Ernest Hemingway:

Live the full life of the mind, exhilarated by new ideas, intoxicated by the romance of the unusual.

If you weren't working at Vapor95, what would you be doing?

Most likely working for another lifestyle brand involved in the music or snowboard industry doing marketing, events, and influencer stuff.

Where do you see yourself in five years? Where do you see Vapor95 in five years?

In five years, I hope to still be with Vapor95. I think we’ll be doing really big things and I’m so excited to see the brand evolve and to be involved in that growth.

Which year of your life would you like to relive?

Is this a situation where you go back to change something knowing what you know now about life? I don’t know that I would want to relive one specific year in my life, but I do look back longingly at my childhood and wish I could relive portions of it. The simplicity of life, when the most important things to me were playing outside with friends, and logging into AIM as soon as I got home. Summers spent climbing trees, catching hermit crabs at the beach, and believing in magic. When days felt like they lasted as long as my weeks do now, and memories of my favorite times were easy to recall. When I would stay awake all night to devour books and write plays that I’d make my family act out. I would go back to those moments when things felt calm, simple, and happy. 

What message do you have for the vapor95 fans and customers reading this who admire the brand and want to create something or do something similar?

First and foremost, thank you! Thank you for being excited about the brand and a part of our community. The customers and fans of Vapor95 are the most amazing, kind, and creative people I’ve encountered. Working for a brand that you feel good about and connect with is so rewarding. 

As cliche as it sounds, just go for it. Put aside any fear of failure and know that there will always be people out there who relate to and connect with what you’re doing. It may take time, and a lot of hard work, but you will find your audience or community.