A Disturbing Music Mystery Continues ...
b e g o t t e n 自杀 - (death cycle) - 死亡循環
In 2017, a series of limited conversations between an unknown music producer who went by the name b e g o t t e n 自杀 and a record label owner named Dennis would lead to the upload of 6 disturbing albums. These conversations, and the bizarre circumstances behind them, would be documented online upon the release of each album. For a while, fans of the project believed the music, and the story, of b e g o t t e n 自杀 was over. All 6 projects were released in a 2 year span, and ever since 2019, it’s been radio silence from the worrisome online producer.
On October 6th of 2023, a 7th release in the b e g o t t e n 自杀 discography has surfaced, 4 years later, out of nowhere.
If you aren’t up to date with the events surrounding this producer, check out my articles on the Darknet blog which goes extensively into all 6 of these releases and the crazy stories behind them, but if you don’t want to read through everything, I’ll try and summarize everything up for you real quick so we can head right into this latest, and possibly weirdest, release yet.
In 2017, Dennis, owner of the online music label Geometric Lullaby and also frontman of the band Ghost Bath, would create a thread on a forum in efforts to find new artists for their label. The label’s motto: A collection of songs about life and death.
Shortly after, Dennis would receive a message from an artist named b e g o t t e n 自杀, along with 6 fully complete albums and accompanying artwork ready to go. The producer used the term “hushwave” to describe the sound of the music, its twisting of sample material elevated with hazy and lethargic sound design was infectious. The music branched off of the infamous internet conjured genre known as Vaporwave, a production style where artists twist and bend existing songs to create all new soundscapes and themes, accompanied by, of course, a retro aesthetic. With hushwave and what b e g o t t e n 自杀 was creating, the sounds were uncanny, haunting, but calming all at the same time, broken and distorted artwork featuring skeletons and vivid textures for the aesthetic. A 2 year release cycle would see all 6 b e g o t t e n 自杀 albums find a home on the label, along with a dedicated and beloved fan base following along for whatever came next.
During this time, the relationship between Dennis and b e g o t t e n 自杀 would get quite weird to say the least; mysterious packages and bloody letters in the mail, confusing music videos and even Dennis sending out a personal friend for, what he believed to be, a meetup with the unknown producer in a graveyard, only to end in the friend pretending the whole event didn’t even happen. Like I said, there’s a whole lot of history to unpack, but just to sum it up, the producer has seemingly disappeared since 2019... until now.
As of the present day, Dennis had almost forgotten about b e g o t t e n 自杀 entirely. The artist slowly slipped from his mind, replaced by the countless emails, music making, touring and other projects he was involved in.
His band Ghost Bath would hit the road once more in the US and Canada in 2023 and Dennis recalls the tour going amazing. They were playing packed and sold out rooms, having the time of their lives. That was, until they hit Georgia. The staff who were supposed to be taking care of the show were extremely late. The venue was strange and the stage was tiny. And barely anyone showed up.
This, of course, happens from time to time with any band. So on that night in Georgia, Ghost Bath would play their set, and Dennis would step outside to cool off for a bit and mingle with his bandmates and fans.
Not long after, someone reached their hand out to him and said “I enjoyed your music”.
Dennis replied: “Thank you” and shook their hand. He recalls the person looking at him for a moment too long, something about the way they stared at him began to make him feel uncomfortable. Dennis nodded at them and smiled, hoping they would move along.
The person leaned in closer to him. "I'm b e g o t t e n 自杀." they said.
Dennis laughed and shook his head when he heard this. This wasn't the first time someone joked with him at a show about b e g o t t e n 自杀. Most of the time it never bothered him, but on this night, he was already a bit annoyed by the way the show went.
He replied sarcastically to the claim. “Sure... so you know my label then?" “I can prove it” the person replied, and then held up their phone...
That's when they held up their phone showing Dennis their email address. It looked legit enough and Dennis started to get nervous for some reason. Even upon seeing the email, Dennis still had his doubts.
Dennis didn't know how he should react. He offered to buy them a drink and they obliged. Luckily, the place had some semi-private seating with large wooden walls surrounding booths and the two both took a seat.
The conversation that followed began with a lot of questions from Dennis. But mostly, he was just in awe. This was the last thing he ever expected to happen, and despite the poor quality of the show, his mood flipped on its head. Dennis was ecstatic, and of course, curious.
The conversation ranged from more about their creation process, how b e g o t t e n 自杀 found the Geometric Lullaby label in the beginning, and then delved into deeper, more philosophical topics. A lot about mental health, Dennis recalls.
And this would have been the happy ending we all wanted. b e g o t t e n 自杀 alive and well. Good conversation. But, oh no. There is more... A LOT more.
During the conversation, something came up that rubbed Dennis the wrong way. b e g o t t e n 自杀 continually mentioned a group of individuals that they had been speaking with. At first Dennis dismissed this seemingly unimportant fact, It was nothing of note.
The more b e g o t t e n 自杀 spoke of them though, the more concerning it all became. They were described as a collective of sorts. A mysterious number of artists and philosophers who created music. It wasn't until the mention of a manifesto and a set of rules and commandments that Dennis started to take note.
b e g o t t e n 自杀 had supposedly met them online through the contact point on their bandcamp page. b e g o t t e n 自杀 spoke of them so highly, and claimed that they were all extremely excited, as they were all going to meet in real life for the first time in October.
Dennis did not have much time to explore the topic as he was being badgered by his bandmates to come help tear the stage down and load the trailer. As of right now, Dennis doesn’t want to reveal the name of the 'group' that he thought resembled a cult in many ways. He didn’t know enough about them yet, and he did not want to misrepresent them, or give them unneeded attention.
Before he could bid his farewell, b e g o t t e n 自杀 offered Dennis an album, (death cycle) - 死 亡循環. Apparently, they had been sitting on it for a little while, created when they were in a very dark place. The two hammered out the details for the release fairly quickly, and Dennis knew he was about to get his hands on something very special, and very personal.
Dennis was beyond happy; a swing of moods from depressed to ecstatic in such a short period of time. A new b e g o t t e n 自杀 release was here, 4 years later seemingly out of thin air. The burst of energy would surely help him in loading all of the equipment out of the venue.
"Thank you for coming out to meet me," Dennis said before standing up.
b e g o t t e n 自杀 then looked at him with a strange intensity. They reached out with a crumpled piece of line paper, placing it in Dennis’ hand, and then stared at Dennis for one last, long moment, and walked away.
Dennis left the secluded table and unraveled the crinkled paper. 'HELP ME' was written in blue pen.
Dennis’ heart sank. He ran to where b e g o t t e n 自杀 had walked but they were nowhere to be found. He sprinted to the parking lot, his eyes shooting in all directions. "Begotten!" he called out, only to hear nothing but silence in return.
Two of his band mates lugged a speaker cabinet out from the door beside him. "Can we get some help here?" they said.
The bandmates had no clue of the significance of everything that had just transpired. Dennis was at a loss for what to do. He didn't know whether to make a search party or call someone for help. All he knew was that he had to do SOMETHING.
The album Dennis received that night, (death cycle) - 死亡循環, would be released to the public on Friday, October 6th. 20 tracks, a solid amount to please the appetite of any b e g o t t e n 自 杀 fan, accompanied with the latest story and mysterious texts that have also been featured in previous b e g o t t e n 自杀 releases. Linked above for anyone who wants to check everything out for themselves. Everyone knows a b e g o t t e n 自 杀 release isn’t just about the music; the Bandcamp page itself is an experience, which is an aspect I’ve always loved about this producer.
The album opens with the track “(drowned) - 淹死的”, a murky and ancient beat that descends us into the depths of what the rest of this album has to offer. The distorted and growling “(fascination) - 魅力” follows right after, a track that contrasts itself with pockets of isolated, reverb soaked guitar. The album is perfect for Halloween time, tracks like ”(poltergeist) - 惡作劇精神” and it’s vocal samples, “(boiling) - 沸騰” brings us right alongside a cracking fire in the middle of a cold October night, sitting next to a friend whos fell into a trance with his acoustic guitar, plucking away into the night for eternity. Or how about “(ribcage) - 肋骨” with it’s distant, bellowing sound terrain. This 7th album takes a little bit of each of the previous 6 and blends them all together. There are even brighter, more vivid moments on here too like “(solemn) - 莊 嚴” and “(decayed) - 腐爛的” with their pretty vocal samples and “(tearfall) - 落淚”, a track that is perfectly pretty with shiny chimes and splashy snare.
To put it simply, this new album is the perfect release for b e g o t t e n 自杀 fans. The album blends darker, harsher textures with these pretty tranquil moments that all showcase the beauty of the Halloween season; that blend of cozy autumn nights with genuine horror shrouded in mystery.
The album was also released with two limited edition vinyl pressings, 333 “PINK LUMINESCENCE” copies and 333 “Electric Neon Blue” copies. As of the writing of this video, all of the blue copies are sold out and only about 30 pink LPs are left. Geometric Lullaby always does a stellar job with their physical releases, and this one I’m sure will be no different.
For a story that seemed to wrap up years ago, the mystery of b e g o t t e n 自杀 now only feels like it is just getting started. The only question now is, what will happen next, and when will we get that next release?
Much luv, ur boi, Pad Chennington